DARVO
3). The accused is going to try *every tactic they can think of* to keep the listener from "turning" on them, including bringing up the past, attacking the character of the person who does the accusing with nebulous attacks, restoring to strawman arguments -- *everything*.
4). When the accused doesn't think that they have a chance of winning you over, they will label you a "toxic" person and begin to attack you as well.
DARVO
Recenter the narrative and make it about the original abusive act.
Point out that the person who is being called out for bad behavior is trying to rugsweep by using DARVO as a tactic.
Focus on what was originally done, not something that is long in the past or not relevant to the topic at hand.
Let's go over an example, shall we?
DARVO
Once you know how to spot it, you gotta know how to stop it.
Honestly? The only way to win is not to play.
But if you gotta -- if you are being forced to "pick sides" in some never-ending ridiculous conflict...and it's important to you that you DO pick a side...
Ask yourself the questions.
Figure out who is employing this technique. It's rare, but sometimes BOTH sides will, and they'll BOTH flip back and forth on who is the "victim" in the equation.
DARVO
Whenever you see conflict between two people who are asking you to "pick sides", you have to stop and ask yourself:
-Who brought the original accusation?
-Was that accusation grounded in reality (that is to say, it is something that makes sense and was not completely out of left field)?
-How did the person who was accused respond? What was *their* take on it? Were they apologetic and humble, or did they attack the other person and convince their friends to close ranks?
DARVO
In many cases, they end up building up supporters, because people see them being "attacked" (rightfully called out for doing things that are harmful or dangerous to the community), and want to step up and defend them, because they have triangulated themselves such that they are successfully read as being a victim each time.
It is *insidious*.
It is extremely common, especially in smaller communities.
*You have to be aware of how to stop it*.
DARVO
Once *any attention* is paid to the attack, they will begin reversing the victim and the offender in the situation. In day-to-day interactions, it can be hard to tell who is actually at fault, and this is often extremely successful.
Consider:
"They're only calling me out because [something that ties to the previous personal attack]."
Something like: "They're only calling me racist because they're queerphobic! I once overheard them call [NAME] [slur]!"
DARVO
There are a lot of famous examples of this. Brett Kavanagh. Matt Lauer. R. Kelly. Some people refer to it as "playing the victim", but it's more complex than that, and a lot of the time, especially in situations where it's not high-profile people involved, it gets used successfully.
When called out on bad behavior, someone will DENY that they did it: "I never said that, you can't prove it, I meant [x] not [y]..."
They will attempt to change the narrative.
that thread about DARVO
I said earlier that I'd talk about this, so.
It's important to know what DARVO is and how it's used as a tool to bully people into silence/complicity in bad behavior.
DARVO is an acronym. It stands for:
Deny
Attack
Reverse Victim and Offender.
It is a technique that is used by abusive people to cover up their abuse.
It is incredibly common. Knowing how to spot it is key.
Fedi meta
Sooner or later, we're going to have to sit everyone on the Fedi down and have a frank talk about the racism problem, instead of pretending that there isn't one. And we're going to have to discuss what we are going to do to address and shut down ongoing anti-black, anti-gay, anti-trans anti-minority in general harassment campaigns beyond lip service and performative wokeness.
I don't think we can afford to be passive about this anymore. I think we need to start thinking about ways to enact direct action against bad faith actors. And what we can do to lift the more vulnerable among us upwards.
Unskilled labor is a myth that employers use as an excuse to pay workers less.
Any labor takes some amount of skill to do. Just because quote-unquote "anyone can do it" doesn't make it unskilled. And what's more, many "unskilled jobs" are imperative to our society and its functioning. They are as important as, if not more than, the work of managers, executives, and "higher-ups."
Fuck anyone who puts you down by telling you that your work is unskilled or deserves to be exploited more. Your work is valuable. And so are you.
Excellent progress tonight!
Finished the latest pass on Donnie's route. Moved the needle on music direction and other improvements for Pixelle's route to the 52% mark. More of the same tomorrow!
re: Birdsite link, re:earlier white bullshit
Here are some tweets calling cursehole out on his lie
https://twitter.com/Cryp_Tide_Diary/status/1317897366318551041
https://twitter.com/The_Boobfather/status/1317898027357655042
https://twitter.com/Deenasts_aa_/status/1317890834008715264
Birdsite link, re:earlier white bullshit
So cursehole on twitter deleted his original thread and started to backpedal and spread a new narrative that he never bought a human skull from india, which is a blatant lie. He also tried to smear the whistleblower.
The truth is over here : https://twitter.com/bhramarii/status/1317630887257763840
We must fight for a world where all game projects large and small get reasonable living-wage funding, no grueling 100-hour weeks, and the creators don't have to live in their cars while teaching kids full time (me) cause they have no family wealth / privilege / get gatekept from grants & loans.
Cyberpunk 2077's parent company represents the opposite hellworld.
Artist and Composer. Trans plural voidpunk anarchist and antifa nonbinary gremlin. My voice is for the oppressed, and I shall fight for freedom with no quarter, so that those around me won't have to.
Plural members:
> Velvet Silmeria (Fae/They/She/Ey/He)
Räsvelg AY-N4 Tiyaga (Kit/Bit/She/They)
Lenneth Crimson (She/Xey/They/It)
Ashlynn Valefor (Xey/They/It/She)
Ricardo Sophia du Sol (Ey/He/They)
Saturnine Stargazer (She/They/It)
Innominat (They/Them)
Yuri Sunbreaker (It/She)