Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

@Tuftears Problem is, the escape route is on the other side of the owlbear. None of the skeletons are armored tho, so I think he has an okay chance of defeating/fleeing from it.

First I realized that neurotypicals' understanding of criticism isn't the same as mine (and I circled back to it today). They might see their criticism as merely intended to instruct me in a task, BUT they figure this is a quick deal thrown at someone with a relatively functional ego (after all, would I be doing this if I didn't know I was smart?). On my side, though, it's a lot of you-fucked-up for what feels like half of forever, when I'm already dumping energy into uninteresting tasks and the hypervigilence of expecting attack (and, having been repeatedly told I'm stupid/weak/clumsy/ugly/unfunny/undesirable adds to not feeling I'm competent at things, so I'm not as capable of setting criticism aside as "yeah, but I'm good elsewhere.")

All it takes is a *little* maliciousness - a few times when I really *was* set up to fail, or an adult screaming at me or similar because I failed to do it perfectly, or an adult screaming at me because I had a meltdown (which they parsed as that I was innately an uncontrollable, hateful little monster) -

- a little earnest messaging that this dreck I didn't want to do in the first place was CRUCIALLY VITAL TO THE REST OF MY EXISTENCE FOREVER , especially because my childhood was really focused on punishment, so what the neurotypicals considered a reward was stuff I considered even more frequent or more difficult tasks as a setup to fail -

- and a little obvious unfairness and favoritism -

- and I came to believe that any criticism was intended maliciously to crush me and make me an emotional void useful to someone else. I've learned over the years that it takes very little actual malicious intent to be parsed as constantly malicious.

Next while walking I realized my understanding of reward and consequence is different from theirs. To them, you need to do step A => step B => step C => reward. And getting criticized, making sense of it, and using that to give the next steps more technical proficiency, is just one more of those steps. And they'll expect me to be grateful for them trying to teach me, instead of me resenting them dumping criticism on me for failing to perfectly accomplish stuff I was never actually interested in.

But to me, not only is the logic step A=> reward which inspires me to try step B => reward which inspires me to try step C, but the longer I wait for reward, the more chance there is someone will dump additional tasks or additional steps into the process, and reward will never arrive. Step A => step B => steps 1-5 of a completely different and uninteresting but mandatory process => step C =>step D => step E => step F. => reward... but only maybe, if there's not another thing more vitally important, and besides the reward is probably going to someone who's already considered the good person for whatever reason (usually appearance or money).

And the reward I usually want is either praise (impossible if I've fucked up, or if I perceive or actually experience someone else always being valued above me), or time and energy for what does interest me (which now feels more and more squeezed out because I feel constantly expected to put in more and more work on what these adults and peers consider vital, *and* feel grateful for it).

Last night’s #drawing

#drawings last night

this town is coming like a ghost town
(why must the youth fight against themself?
government leaving the youth on the shelf)
this place is coming like a ghost town
(no job to be found in this country)
can't go on no more
(people getting angry)
YAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA AAAAA AAAAAAAAA

so I saw this WWII poster with a giant worker and tiny ships and tanks, and just wasted way too much time on the below shitpost;

Ridiculously nice things! The print is by Shimi and the cup is from Erin Middendorf (still noticing details of it).

@xinjinmeng now I'm remembering when I searched "Gamorrean Guard" on e621 out of morbid curiosity and was surprised that there were like, 12 images or so.

huh

*klik*

there's a mere 75 trandoshan images on e621 but one of them is an animation of Gay Stormtroopers giving Bossk a handy, so that counts for a lot

This synagogue I've been trying out describes themselves as "Meditative Judaism" (they are, actually), and can loosely be described as Reform. I grew up with fairly orthodox Judaism, but for a while there I wanted to become a monk.So ironically, meditating in schul is familiar and comforting but chorus with musical instruments singing in English scandalizes me (most congregants are older and I figure if they can handle the latter, I can suck it up).

you know, as regards AI as a disability aid?

I draw with the hand I had to relearn using.

Haolong?
not long
cause what you reap
is what you sew
#ungh #shit

papparashi, journalists who chase after Talmudic scholars

so there's at most four worldwide

https://youtu.be/X6FA-15_aGQ

ha HA! parry 3, cut to 5, retreat upwards up steps, beat to 4, lunge, flash rakish smile

I COULD BE A GIRL
SHE COULD BE ME
I DON'T EVEN CARE
WE COULD BE ALL FREE

https://youtu.be/ayWpN3EHXqY

oh heck yes someone did a chiptunes version of my favorite Nirvana song

this is clearly what plays during the Grays Harbor stage

https://youtu.be/dNRuG0h33dQ

whoops I forgot to tag naked art this time and of course as always Bluesky's bots or w/e tagged it as explicit porn

weirdly a naked orc with a nice ass is not explicit porn

#Furry #drawing tonight was a twinkish hyena #cake

#drawings tonight split for fans of furry/fantasy stuff #cake

the BAGULAR PARADOX in which if you heat the bagel too much you can't safely cut it, but if you don't heat it enough the cream cheese won't spread easily esp if it's vegan cream cheese