Veladynee Amaren @Veladynee@awoo.space

At least on the bright side, I am actually happy even if I am in a heightened stress state. My anxiety is next to non-existent now with the meds I'm on. Just gotta keep pushing through as the world burns.

Constantly getting the craving to smoke weed more and more.

I used to every single night, and now its once or twice a month. But with all the stress I'm under causing me nightmares and general heightened stress levels, I'm constantly craving that escape.

I think its mostly cabin fever coupled with the long shifts at work due to the emergency measures we're on, topped off with the fact the US is literally on fire.

Fuck it, time to get high.

Meanwhile in the land of trying to adjust my sleep schedule for emergency 12s (6pm to 6 am)... Staying up until the sun comes up is bizarre and uncomfortable.

Not a fan of it.

I am a creature of the night, but something odd about waking up at daytime, then sleeping at daytime.

Been on VR a lot recently and the desire to be a Synth is extremely strong.

Also VR is rather helpful for species dysphoria.

Realizing my mental state is starting to resemble how it was early last year.

A constant state of dread and a perpetual fight mentally about it, the concern that my partner isn't being up front even though I know they are. The worry that I'm somehow hurting others even though I find no evidence of it.

My mental state is just not good, and I attribute it to mostly the stress going on.

The politics, the virus, the chaos at work due to it, the stressors of having to help a friend after a house fire... It's all just building on me and wearing me out. The Zoloft I'm on is helping take the edge off, but all the stress is nearly overpowering it and has sent me into a meltdown or two privately over the last week.

I just... need time and reassurance everything is okay, I need to be held and told that, and to be ensured that what I'm being told is true.

I don't know how to accomplish that, and it wasn't an issue for more than a year but the last week has made it so damn hard... *Sighs.*

At least I'm keeping everything /mostly/ together at any rate.

It makes me tempted to get back to nightly use of weed or smoking a cigarette to help relieve some stress.

Hasn't helped either with no idea when I'll be able to see those close to me physically. Or even do something as simple as give my fiance a damn ring because who knows when travel will make sense again.

My wingsister also got laid off. Friends are having trouble money wise with their businesses. And to top it all off I think cabin fever is getting to me as well.

Anxiety building up the last few days. Anxious about everything from my relationship to job to food. It isn't pleasant and it was gone for so long.

It might be worth upping my med dose. Will talk to my psychiatrist on Monday during the appointment.

I'm wondering if it's just related to work stress and COVID-19 interrupting my usual day routine as I have trouble with handling excessive routine change...

The Index is the best purchasing decision I have ever made.

I post that and immediately several other people spring into the same questions. Welp, answers that. :p

Is anyone else having connection issues with Discord perchance?

So I was cleaning my PC case and found a hollowpoint in it. Guess I really did get plenty of bang for my buck with my PC.

Just 'MURRICA things.

On a real note, I have no idea how one of my bullets ended up in the case.