Veladynee Amaren @Veladynee@awoo.space

My use of cannabis has shot up drastically in the last few weeks. Yay stress. But also yay stress reliever.

Do you ever have conversations with yourself?

For me it manifests as other aspects of myself forming temporary 'other mes' when it comes to deep thought of something. Normally I operate on a multi processor setup with each working on its own tasks.

But for deeper stuff... Each aspect of whatever it is becomes its own individual, taking on the different perspectives I need to work through whatever it is, or find different thought patterns. I'm not sure how to explain it, beyond it becomes more of a senate debate floor with one always presiding over to keep order.

I unno. My brain is weird. :3

I suppose also there's a sense of lingering regret that I've not done nearly enough in life. I feel I haven't helped as many as I could, or done as much as I possibly can to maximize the use of what time I have.

I have wonderful friends, a wonderful mate, and in general things are okay. But I still wonder if I could have done more, or still can. But what else can one do except what is on one's immediate power?

Do you ever sit and ponder your own mortality?

Realizing day by day time is slipping through your talons and your body's clock inches one day at a time closer to its last tick.

I'm not sure why my mind is stuck on it tonight, but I've had glimpses of the frailty of life lately. Those I know succumbing over the years to various things, and slowly but surely the pool of people I grew up with, even online, even family, dwindles by the year.

It's natural, or so its said, that our life ends in an eventual lights out, but I can't help but wonder if we'll ever see that changed? To cure death, through upload or synthetic bodies.

But I suppose reflecting on mortality has left me with more of an appreciation for every day, and more value towards ensuring I try to live my life as much as I can. And to do what I can to help those not only here and now live the best life they can, but those who will inevitably come after me.

Life is indeed something to cherish, even if it can suck royally at times... because we only have so much of it, and at the age of 31, I realize that my years are ticking up faster than I noticed prior.