wolfe but sad @wolfgang@awoo.space

???????? what even is reality ????????? time ???????? sleep ???????? unmoving structures not hurtling themselves through the air at a thousand kph ????????? unfamiliar concepts to me

knowing how obsessed the usa is with its borders i'm really surprised i didn't get an exit stamp on my passport????????

gonna board my flight soon, officially ending my usa trip; it's been fun, and great, and terrible at times; i'd love to visit again someday

i just used the word "israeli" as if it was a language name for comedic effect, But Actually,, it is! the official spoken language is Hebrew, but the official(?) signed language is....... Israeli Sign!

so yeah! i can* communicate in: english, hebrew, american, and israeli

(* at various levels; ranging all the way from "a few dozen words at best" to "literally my native language")

it's just so quintessentially american to name your country after the continent it's on despite there being other countries on there

the Attractive People on the train have no idea but they're making me feel like shit just by being here next to me 🤪🙃

i knew i wouldn't go back home from this trip a different person, but i'm pleasantly surprised to go back home (in 2 days 🙃) having learned so much about myself

i think i also said "enjoy" when he looked confused between me and the joint and then promptly went back to signing and gestures only 🙃

have a joint to a random honelesss person and he tried to hug me so i spoke(!!) with my voice(!!!) and said "aaaa!!!!! no way man aaaaa"

like,,,,,, when i go nonverbal it's obviously capital i Inconvenient, but does it actually indicate something Bad happened/is happening? or is that an external association i've built up on top of a mostly harmless thing my brain does sometimes?

ugh i want to understand the limits of this thing, i want to understand what causes it and what it means when it does/doesn't happen; but i have no way of finding out other than doing the single thing i am worst at: listening to myself

i managed to speak last night after an entire week without; but i think i'm nonverbal again today??? idk how this works i'm so confused

oh no all those men i slept with were right: i AM pupy!

they were all very good

i think i've seen more poodles in the less than one week i've been in the pnw than i have in my entire life leading up to it

it might be: unmasking. because:: by speaking when i don't want to, i am Hollywood Acting to make myself hopefully seem more neurotypical

it might be: masking. because:: i am trying to appease People Around Me, who i by default (due to years of conditioning) always assume don't want to hear any of what i have to say

i still haven't figured out if by not speaking i am unmasking, or just adding another layer of masking to the existing pile

obviously an excellent morning. i wanna die 😎👍

and new airport border control

maybe i need new friends and a new family 🙃