Xurnami, Hyena-dragon @xurnami@awoo.space

I don't know how to disconnect. I try watching media but I run out of that. 45 has made me yet again fearful about existence and how it might get me along with everyone else wiped out by two enormous narcissists.

I just started living.

Learn to read your own medications better yeen. Found out I’m on Buspar not Wellbutrin. My alcohol adventures are even less possibly related.

Yesterday, I learned that alcohol, especially socially, can shut off the anxiety part of my brain for a while.

Today, I learned that my anxiety part of my brain is trying to make up for that.

Please keep responses to this light and more being supportive hugging and stuff as I'm still not super stable about this stuff.

Had my first therapy appointment dealing with my mortality anxiety. After lots of crying, found that it quite probably has a basis in how my parents ruined my childhood. Fun realizations.

I will see Fully Automated Luxury Space Queer Communism.

LB: Memes as viral marketing worked on me. In this case, to back a Patreon.

Anxiety meds are helping. I still get the twinge of an anxiety loop about something but they seem to end much quicker.

OTOH, I was wondering why I couldn't seen @indi's awoos and realized somehow that I'd muted him. Ugh. That certainly didn't help my mood.

My mental illness of anxiety has been spiking and having human contact helps but right now that isn't happening.

You know what sucks. Being sick and wanting hugs and not able to get them.

I'm trying to make sure I stay around people so I don't get more lost in anxiety. Is anyone interested in having a hyena around this weekend? Or just know of things going on?

45 has made my anxiety worse. Drugs still ramping up. Some of the edge is off but I'm still a wreck. My roommate has been helpful too which is good.

My existential anxiety has been running rampant recently. Starting on Wellbutrin today and using my financial privilege to start personal training tomorrow. Hopefully this all helps.

Stuff myself face first into code to try and ignore the loneliness isn't working when I run face first into walls that I can't figure out how to get over either. I should probably eat.

Finally, it just feels like I have no close friends. Those who I am somewhat close to seem to be on completely different schedules and such from me to the point where it is like they don't exist at all.