Fen @Fenreliania@awoo.space

i guess it's just me, forever, wishing i could do more and going nowhere

what am i

is this what dysphoria feels like or am i just entirely devoid of a personality save for the motions i've built up over the years, i just dont know

"what am i" is not a rhetorical question but i know you can't answer it. just that i can't either

i'm lost and alone

*begins to form a coherent thought*
actually I'm gonna mentally scream and curl up for no reason

I withdraw, I withdraw, I withdraw

I curl up, groaning to hold back a scream. I compress, I compress, and the spark ignites, and I expand

I throw my arms wide, I arch my back, I fracture into five hundred shards hesitant to leave, staying suspended in a shape like me

and I fall, on my side, and I weep, and I fuse together again without grace, no joins hidden.

oh no

GAH WHAT AM I

Nearly home time, excited to sketch a mechaaaaa

Okay so like, a giant mecha (talking like 15 storeys tall) with this energy exhaust/shield/not sure for hair, down to the waist. The mecha houses a sentient and ancient AI, and can pilot itself, but having a pilot is somehow an advantage (not sure why). So the pilot does not use the mecha, they serve it. The two form a bond, a relationship, as long as the pilot shares the mecha's goals and works towards them.

Very inspired by the Divines from COUNTER/Weight.

AAHHH I COULD BE A MECHA WITH LONG HAIR THAT'S SO ANIME AAAHHHH I'm gonna try and draw it.

I want to me a mecha

Part of me wants to be a pretty, cute girl. Part of me wants to be a buff, confident man. Part of me wants to be a relaxed, friendly cuddly who knows what. Part of me wants to be a dragon. These aren't really compatible.

I don't know who I am. I don't know what I am.

I AM SO INTERNALLY COMFLICTED AND STEEPED IN MENTAL TURMOIL

aaahhh someone is giving me hair advice and I'm like :> they're giving me good info and being real encouraging it makes me very happy ^^

GGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm doing it anyway though don't care what they think, if it looks bad then who gives. If I like it, everyone else can whinge about it.

someone told me long hair would look really bad on me and nobody has told me otherwise which...............