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Suicide ideation 

The thought of my menses starting again bc I can't afford my HRT makes me wish I could overdose painlessly on my amitriptyline.

relationship issues 

A month ago my fiancee said she was exhausted because I'm constantly having a medical/financial crisis.

So... I didn't immediately tell her about my insurance issue.

She's upset because I didn't tell her, but attempted to make a post to make money to attempt to save up a bit for my medical care.

idk how to feel, but the fact that she took telegram off her phone to avoid talking to me for a few days makes me feel like shit.

I'm sitting in my car trying to collect myself so I'm not a mess while driving.

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My medical care consists of managing:

*my transition
*Ehlers Danlos Syndrome
*Fibromyalgia
*Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
*Hemiplegic/Chronic Migraines
*ADHD
My meds literally allow me to keep working. Without them, I'd need to be on disability.

Losing all my fsa to a failure labelled as insurance was a devastating blow to my budget and I know I can't recover without help. Things like my legal name change are out of the picture for a LONG TIME, if not permanently.

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Dental insurance screwed me over and now I'm out 1600$ for my medical care.

Will be setting up my patreon soon as well as a proper site for tarot readings, because I don't make enough money from my full time job to take care of my bills as well as my healthcare.

Asking for money :boost_ok:​ 

I still need about $70 before a week from this Sunday. My meet up with my best friend has been delayed by a week, so I will need the money for travel ontop of money needed for travel to see my therapist a week from today.

Please help me out:

Cash App: cash.me/$NatsumiKitty

PayPal: paypal.me/gamer0313

Ko-Fi: ko-fi.com/natsumiwestra

#TransCrowdFund #Crowdfund

Gino has a very important message for you all:

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP🐦

If you're feeling unloved and hated bc Rowling is a fucking T/ERF, please know that K.A. Applegate has a trans daughter she loves and supports 100%.

Animorphs are not for T/ERFS, and the author loves you, my trans sisters.

When you didn't sleep well, but you're on your first dose of Adderall in three months and you feel like a humming bird wearing a lead jacket.

Bit the bullet and went to the doc. Got a refill on my Adderall and amitriptyline! Also had my rib manipulated back into place.

I was supposed to call the doctor to make an appointment but I'm in so much pain I can't see myself getting out of bed.

And the worst part of all of this is that my HRT makes it hard, if not impossible to cry, so I'm lying here, wishing I could at least have the release of tears, but I'm denied that.

And my fiancée and coworkers wonder why I have depression.

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And I'm too proud to tell my fiancée because she'd want to send me funds but I've already accepted so much from her and I can't handle the burden of that guilt anymore, and my roommates have done so much for me, so I don't say anything about how much pain I'm in every fucking day, because Ro has ME and they have it WORSE than me, so I don't want to burden them.

I fucking sneezed and popped a rib out of place and it now hurts to breathe, but I'm out of fsa and can't afford to see a doctor, even with insurance.

I should be on disability but it doesn't pay the car note or rent.

So I go to work with a partially dislocated rib and hope it stays where it is and doesn't fuck with my lung because I can't afford to do otherwise.

I'm so tired of living with pain and having to fight for rest that never comes and never does what it should in a normal person.

I'm tired of having joints sublux, tired of costochondritis, tired of migraines, tired of being tired. And in top of all of it, I'm tired of being chronically ill and in pain and BROKE

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Mild fatalistic speech, chronic pain depression 

That was one of the few things keeping my pain in check and now I can't use it because the band is gone and I can't afford to replace it.

It's "I wish I were dead so I wouldn't have to wish for sleep that won't come because of the pain" o'clock

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So I used my fsa to get a Quell, and to my surprise, it actually helped with my pain levels. Kept them from going over a six, which says something, because I can't take anything stronger than 800mg of ibuprofen or it makes me sleep.

BUT I fucking lost the band to my Quell.

It's not coeliac, BTW, thankfully. I finally got those test results and my tga was 1 (4-6 or greater is positive for coeliac)

Just means I have a different form of skin problem and ibs, but I already know about the Ehlers Danlos, so Idek anymore.

I just know I should technically be in disability, but I can't afford it, and don't know how/if it'd affect me immigranting to New Zealand

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