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Depression (-) 

Pretty sure the only reason why I'm not curled up in a ball crying is because I'm too broken to have anything resembling a healthy display of emotions.

Update, Work, Stress Eating, Depression (-) 

Hi friends so I've been away for a bit.

Work has been intense. I'm currently in maybe 6x crisis mode at work? 7x? It's unclear how bad things are because if I stop and assess I'd cry.

My current stress and depression levels are super high. This morning I had to consciously tell myself to not give up for the first time in a while. Also I just ate salsa and chips 30 min past bedtime and then chased it with two spoonfuls of Nutella I feel sick right now.

Underwear, Resolutuion 

I bought the purple ones. Because I didn't *need* a dozen pairs of panties and also I didn't have enough money on the gift card to buy all of them because I also had to buy toilet cleaning products since I'm an adult.

Underwear 

Oh no.

Do I buy the pink/black panties.
Or the purple/red/black panties.

Why is the store giving me a choice.

Boss: Right now you're the only man of color in the teaching faculty---
Me: Well I have some bad news for you...

(No I did not actually say that because coming out at work would be a very bad idea ha ha ha ha.)

Shitpost, Cute People Are Cute 

-1 month hrt: damnit she's married
0 months hrt: damnit she's straight
1 month hrt: damnit her husband's also cute

Kink Mention 

I'm randomly poking through a Semi-Closed Online Social Media Site That I Have Been Posting Stuff On Since 20015 journal type thing and wow past me was a terrible person like all the time.

Also I now have narrowed down the exact moment when I realized I'm a sub/girl to a ten minute window. :3 :3 :3

I found a Wordpress anime review blog I made 12 years ago and it was embarrassing as hell good thing I could delete it instantly.

MH, Dysphoria (-) 

Annnnnnd the horrible depression is back in the form of "nobody will ever love you and it's going to get even worse because you're completely broken and trying to fix it won't make it better" and I am out of video games to fight the loneliness and the sadness with yay.

Death, Estate Planning, Dealing With Transphobic Family (+) 

Like did you know that in the state of Washington you can create a legally enforceable thing that bars anyone who misgenders you from your funeral? I didn't. I do now.

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Death, Estate Planning (+) 

For folks local to Seattle/Tacoma: if you need a trans/queer law firm with a person specifically specializing in estate law and planning for trans folks check out the Lavender Rights Project.

Related note I am one signature and one deposit away from retaining an estate lawyer.

Kink Mention 

I was really tired last night and didn't have anything to bookmark my book before I fell asleep and I was too warm and comfy to leave the bed so I just took a personal-sized riding crop and shoved it between the pages this is my life now.

Trans Meds (+) 

I mean, honestly? I still hate my body and my brain still sometimes want to go to very dark places. But the important thing is I hate my body less now so.

It ain't all good, but it's slightly better, and that's like twenty-seven victories all at once.

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Trans Meds (+) 

Today marks 1 month of HRT (I know because I ran out of spiro thanks to pharmacy refill fuckery...) and my doctor hugged me after our follow up appointment because things are working and I feel less terrible and all the tests show that I am not dying because of the drugs.

Also as of today at the upper limit on the standard range of estrogen for "men" I feel like once I take another pill the Star Wars jump to lightspace animation is going to play or something.

Discourse on instances and Tea 

I looked away and then I come back to Adagio Tea and Witches.Town both being run by shitty people like what the crap.

Time to set some stuff on fire. 🔥 🔥 🔥

I am a terrible trans.

I am a sixteen-winged matriarch descending from the heavens through crystal ports of light, her eternal radiance brighter than the stars of the North and the East, turning the fiery darts of reckless oblivion, overwhelming the spectra indivisible, her terrible, everlasting glory sharp yet soft as downy pillows are. And all who bathe in her light shall turn and shout:

""Please stop being visible you're literally burning out our retinas."

Trans Feels (+) 

I saw a cute goth girl on the dance floor and I was like omg I want to be her then I realized that other than the style of our boots and the weird color we dyed our hair and how we focus on different parts of our body because we have different bodies I am exactly like her.

I am now a cute goth girl on the dance floor I have so many feelings about this ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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