Helloooo~
Maybe watching someone make changes to a short story over the course of a third of a day is not so entertaining. However, here are the changes I made! I think the story is much improved, now. Come check it out and leave some comments!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Kc3L5RrTnxYZoWVtbLbYW9gipXrbWkzAdr-Ty-qfbRg/edit https://awoo.space/media/1HE5Xyr8ok00t_t2TVY