The night you eventually try it on, you only manage to look in the mirror for maybe 30 seconds before sobbing and pulling the dress off, throwing it deep into a closet. You don't look at the fridge. You go straight to bed.
The next morning the dress is on a hangar in the closet, smoothed out. It isn't prominent, just cared for.
I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED NICE
IM SORRY IT HURTS
The therapist appointment helps. You don't solve anything but it gives you a place to cry and be listened to.
You put the magnets up before bed.
The next morning they say IM SORRY I MADE YOU MAD
You lean against the kitchen counter and quietly say you weren't mad at them. Just at the world and at yourself.
WHY
because the world is scary and hard.
WHY YOURSELF
because you want things that are impossible.
the magnets don't move for a moment
NO
no?
NOT IMPOSSIBLE. JUST HARD.
You start to feel angry again. You breathe like your therapist reminded you about.
You change the subject. You ask where the ghost went.
YOU SEEMED TO WANT SPACE
you did. Or, you thought you did. But it ended up just making it hurt more.
I WORRIED IT MIGHT BUT DIDNT WANT TO FORCE IT
thanks, you say.
After a moment you ask WHERE they went
I CANT LEAVE THE HOUSE. I WENT TO THE ATTIC.
the attic?
YOU DONT GO THERE. I DIDNT WANT TO SPY.
YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES ME SAD the fridge spells out once you've finished crying
What? you ask
I DONT KNOW WHO I AM
I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MYSELF
that is sad, you agree
I FEEL THINGS SOMETIMES BUT IT ISNT THE SAME
the letters start rearranging faster as the ghost keeps needing letters that are already in use
I DONT WANT THINGS
I DONT HAVE A SENSE OF ME
I DONT KNOW WHAT IS LIKE ME OR NOT LIKE ME
I DONT HAVE A STYLE OR A PERSONALITY OR A STORY TO TELL ABOUT MYSELF
IM NOT
the letters stop
..not coherent? you ask quietly
YEAH
you feel a ball of anxiety in your gut. Its been there for months. It feels like it is pulsing there, like a second heartbeat.
You know the feeling, you say quietly
ITS NOT A GOOD FEELING
not, it isn't
A long silence.
I HAVE TO BE THIS WAY
YOU DONT
you don't respond. Tears are threatening again and you can't bring yourself to speak.
Another long silence. You wonder if the ghost has left.
@AzureHusky you're not allowed to make me cry like this Azure, fucck this is good D:
@AzureHusky More please!!! (if more is planned? that seems like a decent stopping point too)
@Draekos I dont know yet which usually means the story isn't done with me yet.
@Draekos sorry! Sorry! I dont know how to stop it now that it is going!! Sometimes things just turn into feelings!!