@Succubunbun I am in this weird spot of being super SUPER sexual but also not wanting to sex outside of marriage but also not knowing where precisely I want to draw the line and kind of really wanting to get blowjobs T_T

@Fenreliania That's a really complex set of boundaries, but I can get it. I get some guilty feelings with roleplaying sex outside of a relationship I'm in, no matter how my partner feels about it.

To note though, defining sex as an act and virginity is something really often done under the grounds of piv as an end goal, or sometimes anal penetration. Either way, "foreplay" is often thought of as the build up before the inevitable PiV, and tbh it's just easier to

@Fenreliania categorize everything consensual that gets you off with someone else as sex and then be done with it. Then you can sit and think again about whether you wanna limit yourself arbitrarily or not, and ask why you're doing it.
I'm not trying to be judgy of course! If you don't wanna rethink all this stuff that's totally cool. I'm just a strong proponent of asking yourself questions about WHY you make decisions.

@Succubunbun Oh yeah, that's where I'm at - asking what the purpose of limiting it is and whether having my dick in someone else's mouth is counter to that or not.

My current "safe line" is like, any level of groping and petting with clothes on, or clothes off if no touching. Unfortunately, nobody else really wants that =_=

@Fenreliania In a situation where I wasn't in a more monoamorous relationship and had the opportunity, I'd love something like that! Assuming that particular arrangement wouldn't be monoamorous.
But yeah, this is a question of what you actually intend to avoid. Is it emotional integrity or physical that you're protecting? A concept of virginity and saving yourself for The One or trying to be as safe as possible re: STIs?

@Succubunbun Oh this is something I definitely wouldn't consider mono - very much like a casual kind of thing.
It isn't about saving myself for the one, not anymore at least, because I'm finding myself very very poly. It's more to do with some kind of notable delineation between most friends and the people closest to me? But I still don't entirely know what, especially since in a lot of ways I wanna get it on with a lot of people the moment I meet them =_=

@Fenreliania Yeah, for me sex just can't be that line between friends and partners. I wanna fuck a lot of my friends, but I've only crushed on a few. I personally feel like that's more a conversation you just need to have with whomever you love, to really make that distinction. Romance and sex are linked but very much different concepts for me and it's less than useful to use one as a measure of the other.

@Succubunbun There's also a "religious" element to it too which is really the main reason I don't just toss my hands in the air and go wild (to be clear though I willingly choose to follow this, I don't resent it I'm just having trouble reconciling it with my supreme horniness XD)

@Fenreliania haha, that's totally fair! guess it's a matter of reconciliation with yourself and/or your deity or deities on how much you want to restrain yourself, and again why.
😄