Kentaro @Kentaro@awoo.space

Hit turbo-horny but F-List is a wasteland.

Me @ 9:30 PM: I sure am looking forward to a good night’s sleep.

My body @ 11:30 PM: Wouldn’t it be fun if we spent the next four hours vomiting and shitting our brains out!

Have some old music from 2011 that I forgot to release in 2011.

https://soundcloud.com/twoleftbeats/long-distance-rail

The part of me that allows me to act on my own has stopped working, and I don't know how to fix it. There are things I need to get done, but every time I try to do them... I instead just enter a blank, mindless state until someone checks in on me.

Spider-friend rappelled from the ceiling right in front of my face and startled the shit out of me.

Bad spider. Fucking rude.

I really miss DJing, and having a stronger connection to music in general. Last few years have done well at ripping a lot of that out of my life and I'm not sure if/when I get to have any of that back.

I don’t belong here or fit in here and I don’t know what to do about that.

Facing roughly $7300 in debt that's a combination of medical bills and other expenses stemming from a car accident back in October.

I've got a Ko-fi set up at https://ko-fi.com/midnightanimals if anyone wants to donate toward that goal.

I'm also taking music commissions again. $30 per minute of music.

Just big ol’ dummy thicc butts.

Big butts.

I’ve done LDRs before, but I’ve never had an R so good that the LD hurt this much.

*window. Fuck.

It’s one of those “drunkenly bang your sore right boob on a wondow sill while climbing off the roof to pee after hours of drinking” kind of nights. Apparently I’m still in high school, except I’m old and on HRT.

Everything is falling apart again and I wasn’t even done picking up the pieces from last time.

When I’m alone with my thoughts, and worryingly sometimes when I’m not alone too, I have this almost-nausea sensation in my stomach and I’m just... not okay. Something is just... off in a very bad way. It’s insidious, this feeling, because the best description I can muster is “not okay” and that sounds so mild, yet it’s anything but mild. It’s like standing before an oncoming train and I can’t move. I can’t even scream. Something is just... very wrong... I’m just not okay.

Less than one full day into HRT and here again comes the spectre of outright losing the health insurance I’m already struggling to afford yet desperately depend on...

Haven’t really updated or checked in here in a while. Starting HRT tomorrow, so there’s that. Still stuck in NC, feeling pretty trapped. No housing prospects out in Seattle, and still no way I can afford a $1200/month apartment out there, which now appears to be the average price for a tiny, cramped, barely livable studio with no kitchen.

Alive but aimless, I guess.