Ko Bunny 🐰🌺 @KoBunny@awoo.space
Plant bunny. Formerly a lion. Prone to pondering about gender, sex, and life in general. May be NSFW at times. Pronouns: He/Him or They/Them (either works)
Joined Apr 2017
Moving Today
I'm currently sitting in a taqueria eating breakfast and being eternally grateful to my husband for being the point person for the movers today. This has been a really tough move, for many reasons, and I'm glad the biggest hurdle is behind us after today.
What comes next is rebuilding our space together with new roommates and I am so much more behind that. It feels a bit like another fresh start.
RL Progress
With any luck I just sent one of the last emails out to the auditor doing my shop's excise tax audit. Also got contacted by the insurance agent dealing with the store's claim and was told that we'd be getting a little over half of the damages/lost merchandise from the break in, so that's good. And I managed a run of stuff from the old place to the new place!
I had a Plan Today
It was:
-Get Up, shower, eat
-Pack car w/stuff I don't want movers to move
-go therapy
-unpack car at new place, organize there
Now due to a coworker's poor decision the following got added:
-30 minute phone call with partners about the liability concerns of having a baseball bat on site
-Phone call to alarm company about a panic button
-Phone call/in person conversation with said Employee about the wisdom of being in a baseball bat and NOT TELLING ME HE HAD DONE SO.
gender related shenanigans
Turns out this orange shirt I'm wearing doesn't quiiiiiite hide the bra I'm also wearing. Result: Kinda need to keep the jacket on while out on sales floor
"Postfurry Healing"
So what this magic player proposed was just..to go rent a communal cabin in the woods for a weekend. Go there, relax, play games and go on hikes. Embrace the wild around us, make good food, enjoy each other's company. Remind ourselves of the good inherent in everyone around us. Feel like a community again.
There's a lot of reasons why this would be a bit of an undertaking...but really does feel like a worthwhile one.
"Postfurry Healing"
I've been stuck pondering something one of the magic players at the shop once suggested to me, which struck a similar chord to something I felt when out with family - the idea that we should come together and 'heal' out somewhere in the wilderness. I know that sounds really goofy and weird, but hear me out. Since January lots of us have felt distant. Cracks we'd hidden or failed to acknowledged were suddenly pushed on harder than any of us would have liked.
So yeah, I kinda think I figured what I'll be doing here - this space feels removed enough to me from the scaryness that is twitter that I don't feel a strong need to separate regular life musings from the more "after dark" musings. So you're getting thoughts from this bunny on a range of topics. I'll do my best to hide the NSFW and angsty stuff behind filters, but yeah...that feels _right_.
Musings on Needs and Wants
It's really objectively amusing (which is probably the wrong word tbh, but that's how it feels to me) to me how when I put off dealing with my own needs and wants, they intermingle and become something way different.
Like right now I am looking at the first weekend in June and going "gosh I want to just wear a skirt and be a pet and have my head scrambled and also get high as fuck and....." Obviously all of these things are not necessarily possible at the same time.
Real Life Stuff
I hate how easy it is for me to get overwhelmed these days. Landlord discussions / emails feel like there's too much information even when it's clearly just a statement to us about what they're doing. I feel like I used to be able to deal with this stuff way better....but then I have been burning the candle at both ends and in the middle lately so it doesn't surprise me that I'm this worn out.
Gender Thoughts From Last Night
Male doesn't feel like a good descriptor. Skirts are nice and I _really_ miss wearing them (haven't in...2-3 weeks?). Bras are good too even if I don't necessarily want developed breasts. He/him pronouns still feel okay. Don't know what any of this means, but saying it "out loud" feels helpful.
Real World Stuff
I'm gonna do what I can, and help where and when I can. I don't have much means right now, and I'm forcing myself to carve out a little bit of my income for me-related things (and further forcing myself not to apologize for those me-related things. Self care is necessary and should be a part of your budgets.).
Real World Stuff
Today I find myself in a bit of a floaty good-ish mood. I've had a solid day of rest, and @literorrery was wonderful enough to have me over post FCBD for some petting and downtime. I'm still not at 100% by any means, but I'm a sharp bit better than I have been.
There's still a lot coming up soon, and some rough stuff to weather still. And I really wish all of my friends were in better shape. Seems like this year's a big ole storm hitting everyone I know at once.
Re: All those Late Night Ponderings / Worries from Yesterday
A big thanks to everyone who listened and responded to my musings last night (both here and not). It has me feeling loved and supported today, and generally is helping with a lot of my anxiety. <3
late night ponderings; worries
Something @literorrery said in an earlier post here triggered...something in me. She was describing one of her children, and the clothing description she used...synced with a mental image I've been trying to hold in my head without success until now. Could I also be nonbinary? I'm not sure anymore. It feels difficult to talk about this out loud. So many friends have struggled with this and I am worried this is just some internal desire to keep some link with them.
late night ponderings; worries
BLFC is on the horizon and I don't feel a particular yin to go or not. I know I need time away. I know it will help. I'm fighting against my instinct to save money. I'd rather go and do something quieter. Go camping. Spend time with those I care about. Explore deeper mysteries. Wear skirts, bras, and pretty things and not care who sees. Submit my mind and body to others for their use. These are the things that I really ache to do right now.
late night ponderings; worries
I'm currently in a position where I have financial surplus from family, but don't know that my job can sustain my paycheck at its current level. It's left me reticent to do things for myself. I just today went and got my hair dyed, and even that felt like and overreach. I reached out to an artist to do a character reference sheet too, and she's responded. That's the first two times I've spent money on things for me in the past....4 months I think?
late night ponderings; worries
Today has been a helluva day. I am attempting to parse it all, but there is a lot there. Today's my store's 4th year anniversary, and this one's a little bittersweet. I always wanted to make it a thing the community could get behind and enjoy, but lately I just haven't seen that. Maybe it was the fractures. Maybe it was just that in attempting to appeal to the wider audience and sustain the business I pushed people away. I'm not sure.
Today was one helluva long day. Moving in the morning on the heels of an 9 AM - 8 PM day at work yesterday. Finished with a blog post about Free Comic Book Day this coming weekend. Tomorrow I work open to close to give an employee time off so that they can help with that. I'm in a state of exhausted somewhere between happy and anxious.
To those who've been helping and supporting me, thank you. Your help makes all the difference to me. <3
So I don't know what content I plan on putting here. I know that I'd like to use this space for more creative and interesting things. Right now isn't the best time for me to be starting on this...but what can ya do right?
Plant bunny. Formerly a lion. Prone to pondering about gender, sex, and life in general. May be NSFW at times. Pronouns: He/Him or They/Them (either works)
Joined Apr 2017
