Cabinet Derg @Motodrachen@awoo.space

I'm watching Chernobyl, the HBO series, and somewhat disturbed at how it seems the entire Soviet system was run by Paranoid, Insecure Sociopaths and Narcissists.

And then wondering to myself why we don't have Tests for those sorts of people, so they never end up in control of things like Nuclear Energy.

I wanna get a stage troupe together of all plural systems and write a Play with thirty Characters and Ten Actors.

And one VERY busy costuming staff.

Sorry if I've been obnoxious to any of you lately, I've been digging thru pretty serious childhood trauma and I was kinda unpleasant a couple days there.

@heytanuki@snouts.online This is the hugest mood. Trauma when you're young fucks you up Worst because it kinda fucks with your Default Settings.

I just had a week of all day talk therapy sessions with my wife, trying to unpack what happened before I met her. And yeah, it warped who I was, who I am, and who I was trying to be.

Oh, also fractured my psyche and now I'm a plural system who just healed up a Subfracture. So that's a thing.

I'm really starting to realize I was abused by Communism Gone Wrong growing up.

Sometimes therapy is like taking your car in for an oil change.

Sometimes it's like doing a full engine rebuild with a Friend who knows enough about the History of the Damage to help.

That second one takes a Week, of all day work. @budgiebin@snouts.online spent her Valentines day helping me understand how traumatized I was, and that it's Not normal.

So, that was another five hours of talking about my past trauma.

Funny, seems like a lot more there than I remember. Or maybe my idea of Abuse has just gotten more comprehensive as time has gone by.

That being said, I finally feel like I can create music and art without feeling massive paranoia and insecurity.

@denikombucha@playvicious.social Funny, I was just getting thru a bunch of Trauma inflicted on me by my mom that left me a self-hating, misandric mess. (And now Trans)
The kind that makes you Jump and do your Very Best to be There, and Helpful, and Talking, and submissive.

I hadn't realized I'd been programmed. I think a Lotta guys have been Programmed: That 'No" or "I'm Fine" has been used to Abuse them.

You don't go into 13 minute Run on sentence mode unless you're trying Desperately to understand why you just freaked out and Panicked.

Yes, Practicing taking a 'No' gracefully is important for Guys, no arguments there.

Understanding Why rejection sensitive dysphoria is coming into their life and Why they get angry and anxious when Women say certain stuff, or behave a certain way and Lead to these anti-social behaviors takes Months of therapy.

I got this way too. For me, I was trying to be Helpful, and engaging because I didn't want anyone to get angry with me. Growing up... I didn't realize that my mom was an Abuser. I didn't know it wasn't appropriate.

I used to be this guy, and I know I'm doing the Equivalent of the run-on sentence here. It's just that "No, I'm Fine" can carry connotations and conditioning that can be impossible to break, even when you know they're There.

@hyratel This message brought to you by the list of Fake Bands and Albums created and collected by @budgiebin@snouts.online and myself.

This one was inspired by an episode of Cromartie high school.

Unicorn Hit Squad, new album by The Maneating Horses.

With hit single "Storm of Sword Lesbians"

Delusional Confidence, hot new album by Time Release Leopard

@Draekos They were digging around in a sub-alter's past history and basically found their porn folder when it hit.

And at the time it was like... Preventative minesweeping.

So, be on the lookout for a virus that makes you hugely dyspeptic and all your others freak the fuck out. Comes with a LOT of dysphoria outta nowhere.