Cabinet Derg @Motodrachen@awoo.space

I'm at a crossroads in my own programming that comes down to something like This:

I care for people deeply and never feel like I'm doing enough. > I try and care for people More and get better at it > eventually break down or have a bad day and try and articulate my own needs > Succeed at articulating my own needs > Realize that I don't have anyone in my social circles who can fill this need.

And not because I'm surrounded by uncaring or incapable people, but that what I Want/Need is unreasonable.
But then held up to the mirror, asking myself if I'd go to those lengths for a friend I knew was hurting, I'd say Yes without hesitation? Like, that level of caring for someone else isn't unreasonable for Me, but feels unreasonable to ask from anyone else?

I'm being vague here because I'm really asking if I've painted myself into an emotional corner. I don't want to burn myself out caring for others, but don't know how to ask for what I need without feeling needy, greedy, ashamed or like I'm a burden.

'Cause I know what it's like to handle Burdens for folks for months, and what it's like to appear outta nowhere and be a Hero for a day.

*Puts on pebble pattern leggings, a blue water-ripple pattern skirt and lively green jungle and flower pattern hawaiian*

I can dress like this here, because I spend so much of my time fixing motorcycles and digging holes.

Easy to be confident in your body and presentation when the night before you were wrangling a big motorcycle engine back into it's frame.

Finally, we've collected the last piece of the Millennium Motorcycle, Carburetors of the Forbidden One!

May the ritual Commence.

I identify as hermaphrodite because no matter the gender or preferences, I've got something for everyone.

Ah yes, the two genders: Manic depressive programmer transgirl and Cute uwu enby boi.

Taking estrogen just to Pwn the cishets

Open invite to come down this weekend to play with Lego.

So, I spent three years working thru my misandry problems and dysphoria and that weird feeling of Original Sin I had from being born with a Y chromosome, better understood my mind, spirits, and my place in the world.
Decided to take Estrogen .
Got super affirmed in my masculine role overnight, all dysphoria vanishes, my bits start working right for the first time in Forever, and my lingering irritation Vanishes.

Like wait, HRT just nullified all the shit I -Hated- about being a guy. In fact, some guy stuff is actually Attractive now.

So, uh... Problem solved? Not the way I'd expected, but kinda what I'd secretly hoped for? I'm okay with being a masculine hermaphrodite. Wasn't anywhere near as okay with trying to be a Woman or a Man...

I want my Job for two years to be building homes, greenhouses, and landscape features on a 10 acre bit of forest for a bunch of furries who want a settler village to live in.

And then switch over to the village Mad Scientist. I fully intend to build a Trebuchet.

Furry Roleplay is way too meta when you're a multiple system and can lead to some... Troubles if you're in character as one of your alters Directly.

For the other person, it's an RP, for that alter, it's kinda More Real.