-> @oneironott@vulpine.club @Oneironott@awoo.space

The toy otters that curated the experience were thorough, so you had felt and seen what it would look and feel like on your second visit. They also told you the real thing would be much more intense and personal.
They weren't kidding.

The scales were the first to come, spreading from the area on your thigh where the injection happened. You figured it would itch, but you quickly realize you are not prepared for the level of itch.
It would have been more annoying had you not been flooded with feelings.

The injection is over before you can blink, and though it reassures you, you still feel nervous as the cool nanofluids flow over your form. You start to overanalyze every part of your body looking for changes, but your partner's hand caresses your cheek knowingly.
You relax.

You nod to them to continue, and stop watching. Your mind focuses on data. You think of your appointments planetside, crafting your new self inch by inch. The otter assured you full process shouldn't take more than a few hours, and that was amazing to think.

Some time later, you both lay naked on the soft sheets, laughing to take away the tension of the situation. Your partner asks if you still want to do this.
You do. You've been waiting too long.
You watch as they fill the syringe and make sure everything is safe.

Your bed is adorned with silky sheets and a canopy of leaves moving with the circulation of air about the room. Next to the bed, you placed the syringe next to a vial of metallic teal liquid. Your heart beats as you glance over it, nervous but excited.

You had talked about setting the scene before this. Your quarters are done up as if it had been transported by a small brook. You can hear the trickling of water, as it flows through one end of your quarters to the next, adorned with greenery filling the room.

The two of you have been preparing for this moment a long while. You both make sure things are cleared for the next few days and settle back in your quarters of the station.
You can see the beautiful blue planet in slow orbit below you, and the room lit dimly

*also looks at the time of month* OH.
Oh hormones

Earthen lessons these days? It feels like. Mmmm maybe… is that what you’ve been trying to teach me?
The wooden paths, the white stag’s beckoning. Is that the message? That i need habits of balance, not straight DOING or PRODUCTIVITY.
Balance between worldly and otherworldly
Balance between self care and productivity
Clear, grounded lines of separation, integrated into My Machine.
To put 110% into such modes, but always balance. Always grounded.

Hah, gosh.
It all makes so much sense now

I am capable. More capable than i think. I can do this, i just have to do.
I can get through this. I just have to Do with Balance.

Examined my patterns of depression and happiness
And what puts me in a good mood
Admitted that i have shit coping mechanisms that push problems back and don’t help me
Got some better ones to try, along with some clear mode separation.
Cutting bad habits is difficult
But it’s necessary

Off to therapy *sigh*

Okay two ​

Vloelei's Psychedelic Hypno Parlor

Literally me today: *comes out of a multi-month haze* oh wait, I -can- do this

LESBIAB

"Despite everything, I still managed to apply to at least one job today"

I say all this as I'm starting to become more cognizant of these things, and finally starting to dig my way out of the cycle