ramona✅ @Ramona@awoo.space

idk honestly i've been having a pretty awful time

a big thing about me is like, i thrive on people finding me attractive (esp. in a romantic sense) because it validates me and makes me feel like a Real Desirable Woman but like, lately nobody really has and it's been awful since everyone around me is getting kissed/laid w/ new partners and whatnot and i'm just sort of here

like, i can only think of two people that actually genuinely dig me in any way???

it's so weird because like

i've been texting someone who seems genuinely interested in me and it's so easy and effortless to talk to them, but at the same time like

even though they're showing avid interest my stupid fucking AVPD ass is internally freaking out about it because i don't see how/why someone would like me honestly

i'm not very good-looking, i'm fucked up from years of trauma i've tried to suppress, and i'm incredibly annoying most of the time

i'm totally enamoured by your life.

i'm probably a fucking idiot for waiting to prototype an amateur cybernetics project made by a friend but like

why not honestly

also just so everyone knows, i may seem sort of smart at first glance but in reality i don't know shit about fuck

idk, with being severely mentally ill and all, brain augments would be pretty dope

idk, the dream is to be a mostly artificial being but still have most of my brain intact, but like, some of it's functions being offloaded to something like a CPU? also, like, with one of those new-fangled DARPA brain probe things that help with severe depression

but honestly being a human is very boring and overrated, i'd much rather be at least 95% machine.

i want to get my arm replaced by a prosthetic that my friend is working on but like, i know next to nothing about safe amputation procedures and it's not losing the arm that i care about, it's dying in the middle of the procedure lmao

what the hap is fuckening