re: I gotta be blunt here...
To put things in perspective, I made this observation after going to When Furballs Strike for the first time in a year and met a guy sitting next to me at the after dinner who had this vibe about him.
I could tell the guy was what I would call a "toxic empath." A passive yet enabling wet noodle who dragged others down in a manner akin to the assholes they blindly follow. Anything positive I tried to talk about was slapped around.
A convo with him was like talking to an 8th grader from the mid 90s. He made fun of black people, but got all defensive when I called Ferrari owners douchebags.
I'm crying in tears of ecstasy...
Because on the second anniversary of the most traumatic event of my life?
I'm thriving... I'm thriving in spite of all that happened. From this point on, this time won't be remembered as the worst trauma I've ever endured.
It will be remembered as the first day of the rest of my life.
The Illusion of Anxiety
I won't say it's easy to come to this realization, but I've found the sources to my anxiety are merely the equivalent of a funhouse mirror.
All of these boogeymen are a part of a larger haunted attraction in a metaphysical disneyland that can't really hurt you.
Once you wake up to that, then you can start having fun with it in ways you wouldn't expect.
Observing Egregores
I've taken an active role in buzzing out the little voice in my head that reads words aloud when I look at a sign. Either that, or forcing it to repeat those words again and again until it sounds like any other noise. Like a mantra.
Magical scribbles, people. That's all they are. Magical mind control scribbles.
Walking through SouthCenter mall and the surrounding consumerville known as Tukwila is good practice for this.
It's level grinding against a bombardment of capitalist egregores trying to invade your space and influence you to buy shit you don't need.
Spend enough time silencing that little voice that automatically sounds out words in your head, and soon enough? Every sign and logo in the mall starts looking as garbled as a QR code...
Taking a step back and observing egregores, I'm becoming rather fascinated by their workings.
As I was strolling through the mall today I saw many of these entities of varying colors and styles.
All of a sudden, I see a giant white apple bordered by monolithic metal pillars and where I used to acknowledge that it was just another Apple store...Looking at it now...It's superimposing.
Steve Jobs is long gone, but this entity he helped create is still ongoing and evergrowing.
That's an example of egregores of the capitalist variety.
There are positive egregores that can manifest, however they are rather tough to find in this society.
Especially in Seattle where you see the eldritch abomination of Amazon consuming the city while privileged yuppies are blissfully unaware that they are the drooling, mindless cells of a larger body.
I keep thinking of Legion from Castlevania...
MH (+++)
A mind is a terrible thing to be controlled by.
That's why I'm thankful I lost it.
Okay, I didn't really lose it as much as I knocked it the fuck out, dragged it through the mud, and held it over a cliff until it gave into my demands. Exactly what you would love to do if you were stuck with an abusive boyfriend you can't leave. Because that's what anxiety is.
Anxiety was an abusive relationship where the cold, materialist functions of my head would oppress the authentic nature of my heart. At the end of the day I couldn't expect other people to save me from it, so I took matters into my own hands. Using the tools I was given and the doors that had opened.
Linguistic Scribbles
It happened again. A total disconnect from the English language.
Did you know that staring at a sign for a long period of time is analogous to repeating the same word over and over again? It dissolves into mere gibberish and for a moment you feel like the language you grew up with is completely foreign. I couldn't tell the difference between the turn arrow and the symbolic squiggles of O, N, L, and Y.
How's that for taking a step outside your mind?
Conformists can take that hivemind groupthink pack mentality and shove it up their asses so hard it launches their heads into the stratosphere.
The Body Snatched
After election day, I still remember defriending a lot of people who completely turned just days after Trump was elected... Formerly left leaning people who suddenly mutated into the most vile nazis I had ever encountered.
It's either an example of American fickleness, or definitive proof of demonic possession.
I tend to refer to that demographic as the "Body Snatched." Because their change in behavior was so sudden and so jarring that it seems to be the case.
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