Roady @Roady_Dragonfae@awoo.space

-Got a job working for a lumber yard.

-Received a call from my mother saying my dog, Rusty, passed away.

-Discovering the postfurry community and feeling empowered to open up about what happened to me this last year.

-After the horrible events of this last year, I don't want anymore drama in my life. I just want to give love, kindness, and support to my community.

-Withdrawal from said drug was absolutely soul destroying. I never thought I would be myself again and in the following week I nearly committed suicide.

-Resigning about a month and a half after the incident.

-Turning to a friend of a friend for help, who exploited me by living with me in my van for a month. Draining my resources and sinking me into thousands in credit card debt. I eventually drove off without him and left him in pioneer square.

To be continued...

-Coping with the loss of my grandfather in December 2016. The first time I ever witnessed the death of another human being.

-Writhing in existential depression about my direction in life.

-Getting a job as a caregiver for developmentally disabled adults and not expecting the emotional toll it would take.

-Emotionally abused and then dosed with at least seven hits of crystal meth by an individual I thought I could trust.

To be continued...

@mawr Okay. Following up on that. The movie got me high. But the comedown isn't great. Now that I'm grounded, I can see sooo many flaws. It's like a hangover after a night of slamming 15 long islands.

The Last Jedi was probably the first movie I ever saw that literally got me high. The pacing, the writing, the misdirection, the emotional swells. All of it was put together at such a frequency that I still can't describe how it feels. Thanks, @mawr !

As the week drags on, I find myself becoming increasingly less grounded as I'm always interacting with people in a customer service job on a constant basis. Thankfully, on dead days like Saturday, I can find some solace and solitude in restocking the yard by my lonesome. Then I can have more energy to interact with friends when I finally clock out.

I'm so glad that I finally have the opportunity to cook with fresh ingredients again.

"No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell."
-Carl Jung

From my past experience, there is no such thing as a "benevolent dictator". Those two words are an immediate red flag. Individuals claiming such will always have an underlying malevolence in their need to dominate and manipulate with no regard for the collective interest. Eventually, the facade fades and their egotistical nature is exposed for the world to see.

Oh my god! The new season of Black Mirror is out! I have to watch it.

Just helped an adorable trans guy who, coincidentally, looked and acted a lot like @thefishcrow​ complete with flannel and suspenders. @..@

I will continue, until the day I die, to push for a society that's run on empathy instead of ego. That we become more aware of what can sabotage our collective mindspace. So that we can come together when danger is upon us and fight with the love we share for each other as a community.

There's another side to the coin of being self reflective. That would be beating myself up. But, lately I find that it's getting easier to let go of those feelings of self dread and guilt and just forgive myself. It lasts about a day before the pain fades away and I can move forward.

I know I've said thank you many a time. But @mawr is the kindest, most loving, and incredibly generous person I've ever met. Finding them and their family is such a blessing that I find myself in tears. And I cherish that they've offered me a place to stay for the winter.

I feel like I'm moving in slow motion while the world around me is in fast forward and I can't find the pause button. There are never enough hours in a day for me to get everything done and it leaves me exhausted, drained, and depressed. Fuuuuck...

I look forward to shedding my ego like I would my skin. Where I can dissolve into the universe and detatch from the toxins I've accumulated. To hit the reset button and stay on a good path.

We all make mistakes. It's how they're handled that makes a world of difference. With as much responsibility, humility, and integrity one can muster.

I think it might be time to head back out to the forest for another healing. To avoid picking the scabs of old wounds and continue to mend.

And an incredibly fitting grinder with leaves on it! https://awoo.space/media/daxi9I9pZs5yU1eFtZg

For the first time ever, I've pondered getting my ears pierced.