Sparrow 🐦 @Sparrow@awoo.space

My poor mom just sent me a link to a wikihow article for "Dealing with People with IED" (Intermittent Explosive Disorder).

It makes me sad because that's definitely what my Dad has, and also her looking up on wikihow to figure out how to handle it just makes me want to wilt.

@vahnj Is awoo.space set to the Queen's English? I keep getting spell check for American spellings of words like "flavor" and "honor". Not a problem, I'm just curious!

Hi friends! I took a nap and now I'm back. Woo~

I took almost this whole week off running because I was sick. I'm going to start up my "16 runs in 4 weeks" plan again tomorrow though, in the hopes of earning my reward of dance classes.

Anyway, what's everyone up to today?

“The fact that we’ve allowed young children to escape with highly classified alien life forms this many times is an embarrassment, frankly,” Stevens added.

https://www.theonion.com/u-s-military-heightens-security-after-another-group-of-1822882300

I think the only thing that hasn't changed in the last ten years is that The Onion continues to be good.

Me
https://local.theonion.com/area-man-on-personal-mission-to-explain-why-universally-1819574047

From an article (cited below):

"It simply constructs a world around the reader, where his comfort zone, his passively acquired knowledge of retro video games and Star Wars, is enough to effortlessly make him a Great Man of History. A fantasy this mundane is barely a fantasy at all — just a desire to be unjustly rewarded for mediocrity. "

And suddenly I understand the appeal, and it also makes me a little sick.

https://theoutline.com/post/2076/ready-player-one-movie-bad?zd=1&zi=4zix65fq

Several of my IRL friends are really into "Ready Player One".

I haven't read it myself, but I've only heard bad things about it online.

What should I do when my friends start preaching its virtues?

So I went to bed last night after having had a few critical, but ultimately helpful insights.

Then I have a series of dreams wherein I have unexpectedly gained a lot of weight.

It's like my sub conscious is saying: "Those insights? Yeah, that's all well and good, but what you're *really* scared of is getting fat."

Grow up, subconscious.

I think... it is time... for this bird to fold up their wings and go to bed.

Night pals! It's been fun talking with everyone tonight. Rest well. <3

I'm honestly really thankful right now for the supportive, nuanced & mature conversations I've been able to have on masto. It's a real step up from what I've experienced on a lot of other platforms, and I'm really glad I have this network of folks I can talk to.

I do have a Shadow Self, and their name is Echo.

I think a big part of growing up for me is learning that Echo is a valid part of me. They deserve love and understanding (from me), but also don't get to run the show.

Just to be clear, this is what I'm seeing at the moment, in this particular "bein' hard on myself" mood that I'm in.

I'm sure there are pleasant things about me too (I know I can be cute and charming in a dorkily endearing way), but this stuff is also true, even if it's at a more "deep down, uncomfortable shadow self" kinda level.

The truth (to me) is that I have very little respect for myself, and until I fix that and learn to genuinely love things about myself, I'm going to be bewildered when someone else claims to love me.

In my experience, people like me around because:

- I put off a "naive" and easily-impressed energy
- I'm a hard worker
- I like to please people, & if you're a critical type I'll want to impress you
- I go out of my way to help
- I can be easily guilted

Anyway, I feel like a No Good Very Bad Queer because I struggle with the poly ideals our community cherishes.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only queer person who isn't constantly overflowing with compersion.

I want my hypothetical partners to be hypothetically happy, however and with whomever they want. But in practice I dislike actually seeing or imagining this. Intellectually I like the idea, but not in actuality.

I have to put up a lot of emotional distance between a partner and myself in order to feel "okay" with polyamory, and I don't know how healthy that is in the long term.

Okay, just finished the first season of "Dark", and yes, it's very good.

If you don't believe me, here's a convincing review:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/on-demand/0/german-sci-fi-mystery-far-spookier-stranger-things-dark-netflix/

WOW the more I watch this, the more I realize Hannah is a major piece of work.

Like initially: "oh she's kinda shitty"

Later: "WOW is she a piece of shit"

Fwiw my ex is a fine and lovely person, just the whole "HEY THIS IS YOU A YEAR OLD, WEIRD HUH?" thing is a little disconcerting.