re: finance shitpost 

we have become aware that some restaurants charge up-front for their food. we have begun work on establishing a futures market for these transactions.

Show thread

re: finance shitpost 

we've had some reports of customers responding negatively to the interest added to their bills. we'd like to remind the public that these are vital financial instruments and it is all of our responsibility to respect their power.

also: the government has been threatening to "shut us down" for "issuing unlicensed securities". Just a reminder to everyone, several large national banks are now heavily invested in restaurant-bill-backed securities, and have warned that a loss of those assets would be disastrous to the economy.

Show thread

finance shitpost 

when you order at a restaurant, we immediately pay the restaurant the price of the meal, minus a small convenience fee for our services. once you've finished eating, you pay us the bill, with a modest interest rate that compounds as you eat. in this way, restaurants can get paid up front before preparing your food, optimizing cashflow.

the really cool thing is, once you've ordered your meal, we issue a security backed by your restaurant bill, which can be traded and speculated on while you eat!

asking for workout advice 

anyone have any workout suggestions for a v out of shape trans girl wanting to get started on the long road towards getting jacked as shit?

hey what the fuck? the Hampsterdance song is not in 4/4 time. it appears to be a repeating pattern of 15 4-beat bars, and then a single 6-beat bar. or you could look at it as every 16 4/4 bars, there's a 2 beat fill. is there a name for this? my time signature math is nonexistant if any music people wanna help me out. boosts welcome

mh question 

anyone have advice for recovering from autistic burnout as a full-time software developer? boosts appreciated.

new word: timebrick. it's like a time bomb, but instead of exploding, it turns into a useless brick. refers to any device that relies on a proprietary service to function.

petition to ban white people from using the word "controversial"

ok i'm sick of my youtube. please recommend channels! requirements:
- not a white man
- that's it

anyone have subtitles for the movie By Hook Or By Crook (2001)? (

i rly love this movie but i'll need subtitles if i wanna show this to my partner without her having to strain through the whole thing; the audio quality was rough on my sensory processing and will likely be rougher on hers.

Awoo Space is a Mastodon instance where members can rely on a team of moderators to help resolve conflict, and limits federation with other instances using a specific access list to minimize abuse.

While mature content is allowed here, we strongly believe in being able to choose to engage with content on your own terms, so please make sure to put mature and potentially sensitive content behind the CW feature with enough description that people know what it's about.

Before signing up, please read our community guidelines. While it's a very broad swath of topics it covers, please do your best! We believe that as long as you're putting forth genuine effort to limit harm you might cause – even if you haven't read the document – you'll be okay!