Demi @demi@awoo.space

small example of how much effort i need to put into existing right now: having to tense my hands and arms if i plan to use my phone for any length of time, as to hold off the tremors. this adds stress on top of my already weak and deteriorating muscles. it hurts.

i feel like i’m going to die; all the time. i want this all to stop, i want to be done — allowed to rest.

i think the hardest part of everything i’m going through is trying to deal with how discarded and ignored i feel by the doctors i’m asking for help from. reading this story about things i will never personally experience, is hard; but the treatment by doctors is all too familiar to me https://www.autostraddle.com/begging-to-be-sterilized-427884/

hmmm. okay well i got almost 8 hours of sleep last night; which is a lot better than 5, but still wish i could sleep some more.

@mhutch oh no! i’m sorry to hear this :(

i want to believe that there is a future where i don’t feel dreadful all the time; but it’s real hard to consider that when every day is a monumental struggle.

i barely slept last night and still feel dreadful so i guess i’m going to bed early and hope to keep myself occupied tomorrow with deck-building until the destiny patch is out

guess who is getting back to reading 🙄🙃 https://awoo.space/media/QhCxme1cgYT7EE5IhzM

Setessa on Theros sounds like a great place to live https://awoo.space/media/YUVt5DKvBDXyb1RXQSY

@millenomi oh my hecking gods

well i woke up because i was thirsty and now i’m in too much pain to go back to sleep so i guess i’ll be napping today.

i feel like my body is failing; this is dreadful.

fuck, i feel so weak; even standing for an extremely short period of time is leaving me hurting after i lay back down

tremors are real bad today; not big but continuous for most of the day. i hope that neurologist appointment happens soon

i hate how much physical and emotional pain i’m in, all the time. it makes me feel inhuman, i never get a break and it is killing me.

@Aria@cybre.space my pain tolerance is way higher than most people; i’ve discovered i cannot feel piercings at all. though i have heard from friends that that kind is a pain to clean and heal properly.

@Aria@cybre.space oh nice!! i’m kinda tempted to get one like that

gods this migraine today is brutal and won’t relent at all.

ugh, today’s brand of feeling like garbage is a headache and lethargy. maybe i should just take a long nap all afternoon

i don’t feel like shit today but i am super sore. maybe all of the walking yesterday? i prefer this to feeling like utter garbage.