I haven't even wanted to fucking, talk about autism and how that's been a difficult thing for me to deal with forever. I didn't even realize I was on the spectrum at first, not until a few years ago. then after I did, I found out my younger siblings were, too. it made SO MANY THINGS make sense to me, as I FINALLY had a way of relating to how "normal" people felt, where previously I felt like I was missing something that would let me just, fucking understand people at all

it's like, "oh my god, here's finally a framework to help me understand how to interact with normal people. thank god. oh my god. it's like a manual I desperately needed" and.. and...

why are people so desperate to believe someone else is evil before they'll believe that someone just doesn't have a brain that works like theirs??? that maybe different people have different motivations for sharing their hurt/pain? it's still really difficult to grasp

like christ I've been accused of trying to "lure kids in" or whatever for sharing my sentiment that I hoped that teens who sneaked looking at my NSFW comics would end up learning something about themselves.

this is so insane. i only shared this thought because, as a teen MYSELF, i looked at porn and had wished I could have read comics to help me understand my sexual/gender feelings way earlier!! that's the only reason I even said that!!! because it's how *I FELT* as a teen

but it makes people so uncomfortable to read a sentiment like that! because you're not "supposed" to talk about things like that! because there's "potential for abuse" in it!

but like. OF COURSE there's potential in abuse - that's why things should be talked about openly, so people understand HOW and WHERE abuse can take place!!! it doesn't make SENSE to fucking act hush hush about it and then lash out at someone for trying to bring it up in a safe context!

so it all gets twisted. people work that into their "preys on kids" narrative, even though my ACTUAL actions and words based on my feeling of wanting to help out people who felt the way I did, as a teen. I had no interest in interacting with anyone underage who consumed my nsfw work -- but I also didn't care if they read my adult stuff, because I'm not their parent and can't stop them and the reality is, every kid I knew when *I* was a kid did it, too.

why do people deny reality???

if you don't put up a performative act of caring that kids might look at nsfw material, then you're "evil".

but it directly contradicts my experiences as a kid, so of course I don't feel that way. I learned a lot about myself through the adult material I consumed, when i was a confused kid who'd been a victim of sexual abuse. so of course my heart goes out to people who are in that kind of position. of course I'm not going to shun those extremely real and hurtful experiences.

and it's so fucking dishonest for people to strip out my feelings and experiences from something in order to go, "look. this person thinks KIDS should look at PORN." it's dishonest and disgusting to take a CSA survivor's experiences, and their attempt at doing good with it via stories -- to twist their own attempts at good back against them, as a weapon to be wielded out of "performative goodness".

it is so fucking disgusting to act like that's an acceptable course of action

like, yeah, I get it. it's uncomfortable to acknowledge that minors might look at NSFW stuff, but I have no interest in interacting with minors over it, nor have I ever. when I ran my 300 member discord, we were so strict about not letting minors into adult spaces. if they wanted to talk about it, they could do it among themselves elsewhere.

but don't fucking act like that my openness about reality means I would EVER want to participate in the same abuse i suffered through.

I can't get over the dishonesty of it. people know what a shock value "THIS PERSON WANTS TO GROOM MINORS" has, and it's inherently a bad thing that everyone can agree on.

this wraps back around to labels. it more or less becomes a label, where people will do what they can to twist your actions to fit a label that everyone agrees is bad, and that people have trouble picking apart without also being seen as bad. it's lose/lose without OPEN DISCUSSION about ethics.

if people DON'T want to listen to you, they won't. esp if they already have the momentum of a horrible label. but here's how this horrible game of telephone goes when you want to hate someone:

"Uses their past to make vulnerable nsfw work, hopes it'll help teens discover themselves" (reality) ->

"wants teens to look at porn" (not reality) ->

"grooms teens by forcing their porn on them" (extremely not reality) ->

"sexually abuses children" WHAT THE FUCK? NO? this is SO CRUEL

@glip

I know the last thing you need here is a counterexample to your point, but I hope by spelling out my point of view, I ultimately end up reinforcing it.

I lived a pretty sheltered childhood, to the point where I took to sheltering myself. The most "bawdy" thing I ever took part in as a teenager was watching bad cartoons and good anime on adult swim.

As an adult, I would be increasingly shocked at the number of my peers who did more as children.

@glip

I was never quite neurotypical myself, and that only became more painfully and uncomfortably clear that my behavior, the ideal that is basically expected by society of every child, was, in fact, *itself atypical*. Furthermore, the existence of apparently necessary resources like Scarleteen only further cements the fact that, yes, I was, in fact, the odd one out; not all my friends.

@OchotonidKnight now that's really interesting. i see where you're coming from, and I remember being similar actually up until I started looking at adult art when i was younger. just the... sheltering self because i was "supposed" to, always trying to be a nonspecific "good kid". but it's distressing to me when it's like 25 y/os showing up to go "NO ONE EVER HAS AN IMPURE THOUGHT BEFORE 18. EVER."

@glip

Did you know that when a prepubescent male plays with themselves somehow, they don't produce any semen?

I mean, logically that makes sense, puberty is when all the reproductive parts mature after all. But I, for one, had no idea that was even *possible*. I have the fortune of being one of the very few men in my age group to remain uncut, and pulling back a premature foreskin, as it turns out, is EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL.