masked papaya @glip@awoo.space

if people DON'T want to listen to you, they won't. esp if they already have the momentum of a horrible label. but here's how this horrible game of telephone goes when you want to hate someone:

"Uses their past to make vulnerable nsfw work, hopes it'll help teens discover themselves" (reality) ->

"wants teens to look at porn" (not reality) ->

"grooms teens by forcing their porn on them" (extremely not reality) ->

"sexually abuses children" WHAT THE FUCK? NO? this is SO CRUEL

I can't get over the dishonesty of it. people know what a shock value "THIS PERSON WANTS TO GROOM MINORS" has, and it's inherently a bad thing that everyone can agree on.

this wraps back around to labels. it more or less becomes a label, where people will do what they can to twist your actions to fit a label that everyone agrees is bad, and that people have trouble picking apart without also being seen as bad. it's lose/lose without OPEN DISCUSSION about ethics.

like, yeah, I get it. it's uncomfortable to acknowledge that minors might look at NSFW stuff, but I have no interest in interacting with minors over it, nor have I ever. when I ran my 300 member discord, we were so strict about not letting minors into adult spaces. if they wanted to talk about it, they could do it among themselves elsewhere.

but don't fucking act like that my openness about reality means I would EVER want to participate in the same abuse i suffered through.

and it's so fucking dishonest for people to strip out my feelings and experiences from something in order to go, "look. this person thinks KIDS should look at PORN." it's dishonest and disgusting to take a CSA survivor's experiences, and their attempt at doing good with it via stories -- to twist their own attempts at good back against them, as a weapon to be wielded out of "performative goodness".

it is so fucking disgusting to act like that's an acceptable course of action

if you don't put up a performative act of caring that kids might look at nsfw material, then you're "evil".

but it directly contradicts my experiences as a kid, so of course I don't feel that way. I learned a lot about myself through the adult material I consumed, when i was a confused kid who'd been a victim of sexual abuse. so of course my heart goes out to people who are in that kind of position. of course I'm not going to shun those extremely real and hurtful experiences.

so it all gets twisted. people work that into their "preys on kids" narrative, even though my ACTUAL actions and words based on my feeling of wanting to help out people who felt the way I did, as a teen. I had no interest in interacting with anyone underage who consumed my nsfw work -- but I also didn't care if they read my adult stuff, because I'm not their parent and can't stop them and the reality is, every kid I knew when *I* was a kid did it, too.

why do people deny reality???

but it makes people so uncomfortable to read a sentiment like that! because you're not "supposed" to talk about things like that! because there's "potential for abuse" in it!

but like. OF COURSE there's potential in abuse - that's why things should be talked about openly, so people understand HOW and WHERE abuse can take place!!! it doesn't make SENSE to fucking act hush hush about it and then lash out at someone for trying to bring it up in a safe context!

like christ I've been accused of trying to "lure kids in" or whatever for sharing my sentiment that I hoped that teens who sneaked looking at my NSFW comics would end up learning something about themselves.

this is so insane. i only shared this thought because, as a teen MYSELF, i looked at porn and had wished I could have read comics to help me understand my sexual/gender feelings way earlier!! that's the only reason I even said that!!! because it's how *I FELT* as a teen

it's like, "oh my god, here's finally a framework to help me understand how to interact with normal people. thank god. oh my god. it's like a manual I desperately needed" and.. and...

why are people so desperate to believe someone else is evil before they'll believe that someone just doesn't have a brain that works like theirs??? that maybe different people have different motivations for sharing their hurt/pain? it's still really difficult to grasp

I haven't even wanted to fucking, talk about autism and how that's been a difficult thing for me to deal with forever. I didn't even realize I was on the spectrum at first, not until a few years ago. then after I did, I found out my younger siblings were, too. it made SO MANY THINGS make sense to me, as I FINALLY had a way of relating to how "normal" people felt, where previously I felt like I was missing something that would let me just, fucking understand people at all