masked papaya @glip@awoo.space
the one, the only, uh... well, i do floraverse.com and forbiddenflora.com (nsfw) and that's about it. queer as fuck enby and relentlessly optimistic
no tolerance for harassment, hate, or mob thinking
Joined Sep 2018
cw hurt/KF
I just want to understand why people hurt each other, and it's increasingly clear that it's because people around them have hurt them. after you internalize it for so long... if you can't find a release for it (like writing a comic about trauma, for instance) then you start being destructive.
that's why places like KF exist -- it's full of people who hate themselves, don't feel safe expressing their own voice, and hate anyone who DOES and CAN express their true self and voice. :(
labels (queer, self-hating)
and... and of course it feels that way. because people have to work hard for their label to be recognized by the public. so when I come across a blog where a transmasc person violently rejects the validity of any other transmasc person who is fine with their feminine sides, it's so clearly an act of self-hatred that they're projecting onto others. and that makes me so, so sad in my heart, bc it's the feeling of "*I* had to do this to be a boy, so THEY should TOO"
labels (queer)
it's the same kind of thing I ended up realizing as one of the root causes of queer infighting. people get specific ideas of what a label means or implies, and then anyone who doesn't share that exact set of experiences is clearly Wrong and Not Part Of MY Label.
this happened to me a lot with writing asexual characters. asexuality is a spectrum, but i'd get people going "Um, you wrote them having sex. Fake queer. Fake ace." even though it was based on my PERSONAL EXPERIENCES
labels
it's so important to not get caught up on labels. if you believe you're "good", then anyone who you feel is wrong is clearly "evil/bad", therefore fair game to harass and target.
this is so fucked up! you can't look at things that way; it's counterproductive & toxic to shove people into roles that you then use against them forever, no matter how "justified" you feel.
people grow and change and maybe that forum post from 12 years ago has nothing to do with the person you're hating today
I spent so many years of my life being told I wasn't allowed to talk about bad things people did to me or around me. why? why are people so afraid of having conversations about difficult topics? understanding is crucial to not living in fear of toxic hellscapes; you have to want to resolve conflict with others and within yourself or you're just never going to be happy
that's why I'm even posting again publicly. i want to be able to share these feelings, even if they can't voice them themselves
cw harassment
how much more clear can I make my intentions? I have never had a fucking problem talking to anyone about anything I did that upset them, if they're willing to approach me in good faith and try to understand that I'm not some fucking evil overlord or whatever.
it would be laughable if it didn't have such a tangible presence in my life --making my friends sadder than they need to be over this! because they know the truth and get to watch this shit happen to me and around me.
cw harassment
it's so ludicrous. it's so absolutely ludicrous; nothing about how KF acts about me or treats me is congruous with how I am, or how I act, or how I strive to treat others. it's a bizarre show every time some new person gets scared off because people get so angry at them for saying hi to me or w/e. why am I being blamed for this? why can no one actually say to my face anything I did to them? I've made it clear dozens of fucking times how I'll gladly talk about ACTUAL hurt i caused
cw harassment
can i just point out how fucking dumb this is from my pov.
(me, after spending months extracting myself from an abusive marriage where KF blamed me for everything my husband did, tired of twitter harassment, trying masto bc maybe it'll be kinder, talking about wanting to draw in an effort to return to normalcy): Hey
(KF people who have been stalking me and trying to doxx me for years): Maybe you should fucking die and everyone who doesn't feel the same way should fucking die too
cw harassment
why aren't conversations about this the norm? why won't people try to talk about these things instead of getting scared and shutting things out? how can you claim to care about keeping your space safe if you're going to act out of fear and not try to understand situations as they are? it's frustrating. been living with trying to dispel lies and bullshit for, what. how long? so many years.
but i'm still optimistic because i know people can do better than this
cw harassment
I'm really confused. there was some admin on sleeping.town that was nice and now i guess they decided to instance block me out of pressure over things i didn't do. not surprising though. mobs feel scary
when you cave to that pressure instead of having a discussion about it, you let people know "yes it DOES work to make people scared of not listening to your hate, and yes harassing mods into submission WILL work on this instance" and that's terrifying. what a bad precedent
ok i did it. I reawoo'd everything so it's properly under a cw. its gonna take me some time to get used to how this site works probably
cw people inventing drama
I don't get it. how can you be left-leaning at all and not be skeptical of people looking for blood. going after people with such fierce anger means you're going to have trouble enacting actual justice in favor of "feels good". it feels "great" to beat up a target that people are pointing at, esp with a flimsy (yet severe!) reason they tack on...
it becomes much harder to go back on what you said, bc you'll either "condone" the made-up crime, or be crucified yourself.
cw people inventing drama
I'm just. tired. like it's so plainly obvious that people really don't want to let go of a reason to dogpile or be mad. I just want to make sad comics about sad furries trying to get over and process horrific personal traumas, bc that's been my entire life. i care a lot about trying to help people out of those pits, like they're not irredeemable and that there IS a way forward through horrible things, that they're not bad forever, b/c it sucks when people act that way
cw people inventing drama
it's a little maddening. people need a "bad person" to rally around, to beat on. i cannot even begin to describe how maddening this has been. ever since the first big callout my ex did going on 4 years ago now, I have been so fucking obsessive about my interactions. instead of being bitter and angry I wanted to do something better, to go "this sucks he felt this way, I should be able to do better than this", so that's what I've relentlessly strived for
cw people inventing drama
like, christ. it's been a... "treat"... to watch people wield the words of social justice and caring and compassion... as a weapon. what in the fucking hell. it should be obvious when this is happening, it should be easy to see when people are using those words not for their original purpose, but to harm and abuse others. shouldn't it? that's what I want, but that's not reality. I'm really fascinated by what makes it hard for people to tell the difference though?
cw people inventing drama
just, after taking a three month break to purge myself from the internet, it was so... liberating? I got to drop all of the bad feelings that accumulated from feeling like shit over ambient things people thought, that I didn't actually do. I know what I did and didn't do, and now that I'm back, I'm immune to feeling bad over shit I didn't do. spent the entire 10 years of my marriage feeling bad over shit i didnt do & I'm finally sick of it, so I'm done feeling that way
cw people inventing drama
I dunno it's super fucking weird to have to hear about my supposed crimes from thirdhand parties because no one actually talks to me about anything they think I did, so I can try to figure out where the fuck literally any of it is coming from. I already know people won't listen if they want to be mad, which is why I haven't been concerning myself with people who won't listen. I'm always up for earnest talks with people in good faith, because I'd do the same for them
I'm re-awooing all those awoos because i forgot to do a c/w on them and think i posted them to the main timeline. im sorry im bad at masto and trying to delete it but failing
cw people inventing drama
I have to say that I am massively confused about why people are getting worked up over me and @eevee posting here. i have addressed just about every single issue anyone has ever brought to my face, and I care a lot about making sure I leave the world a better place than I found it.
I don't get what anyone is actually upset about bc it's ever-shifting and rare has anything to do with my actual life or things I've actually done to someone, so it's hard to help fix that?
the one, the only, uh... well, i do floraverse.com and forbiddenflora.com (nsfw) and that's about it. queer as fuck enby and relentlessly optimistic
no tolerance for harassment, hate, or mob thinking
Joined Sep 2018
