personal suicidal experiences
I'm not now, hopefully never will be again, but I was, very, for a long time. the *only reason* I never made a solid attempt was that I was afraid of "failing," and of pain.
I once... set a date. got supplies, planned it out, was just--biding time. but then I overheard a conversation in a diner, and for some reason that stopped me.
a few months later I met Spouse, like the sun rising in my life.