abuse, anxiety
so okay
I have an anxiety thing where I can't trust that when people say they like me or want me around, or invite me to do something with them, or tell me I'm good at something. I always think "but what if they're lying? can you afford to take the chance that they're just fucking with you?"
and I need you (pl.) to understand that this doesn't come out of nowhere
THIS HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO ME.
abuse, anxiety
the people I hung out with in high school did this shit to me all the time. they would invite me to things and then pretend I wasn't there or ask why I'd shown up. they'd tell me they liked me and then mock me behind my back. they'd tell me I was good at something and then steal what I was doing and show the class a half-finished drawing or whatever and mock it.
abuse, anxiety
and I kept hanging out with them because what else was I supposed to do? They kept saying they liked me. I trusted them. They abused that trust. They abused /me/.
I don't trust people now because I was the subject of long-term abuse then and it has never worn off.
So when I question whether people want me around or what people say about my value or my work IT ISN'T ABOUT YOU. It's about me and that group of kids in the 90s who decided I was a target and whom I couldn't run from.
abuse, anxiety
@noelle I'm sorry you had to deal with that crap. I've had similar experiences... not as many or as long, it sounds like, in part because my depressive disorder came with a side helping of paranoia, so I had enough of a hard time trusting people that the ones who might have just wanted to mess with me didn't bother long enough to get in. :/ but even so, there's been a couple of times I've been subject to that crap. much, much empathy.
