ah i'm catching up on sleep in a big way really

it's doing my head in because it's kind of boring? and because my brain is weird about sleep? but also it's probably extremely good for me

i had weeks and weeks there where i was just like, so tired my body was in pain, and painkillers wouldn't take it away etc

stuff kept happening and i kept having to deal with it because i'm incredible and amazing and hypercompetant and sensitive and handsome

i feel like the pan i was before, isn't here anymore tho, she's resting

it was stressful and a new pan was born in the fire, as always

so i don't have a good sense of what my motivations were, what my life goals were, etc, before all that stress and work hit

i know what MY goals and motivations are though. i want to feel GOOD and i want to be STRONG and have OPTIONS