Solving my asexual+pan-romantic conundrum [1/6]
I've been at odds with my asexuality for a long while.
The established societal boundary line which divides close friends from partners is sharing sexual intimacy with one another. That's something I used to really enjoy and found deeply fulfilling until a few years ago when that started to fade, and now is completely absent.
Solving my asexual+pan-romantic conundrum [2/6]
Because I was raised with the cultural understanding of sex being the key to establishing deeper relationships, there's something deep in my head that equates a lack of sexual intimacy with a lack of emotional depth. Adding to that: without sex, I struggle to define deeper relationships in ways that don't boil down to lipservice.
I think I made a breakthrough as to why last night.
Solving my asexual+pan-romantic conundrum [3/6]
What is it about sex that deepens relationships for romantics?
So many of us are ashamed of our bodies, or embarrassed about them. We want to be perfect for our partners, and no one ever is. We look in the mirror and some days we don't like parts of the person staring back at us. For those of us that fit this description, most of us find ourselves being self-conscious when thinking of baring all to a loved one.
Solving my asexual+pan-romantic conundrum [4/6]
Sex is scary! Consent is far more complicated than most folks realize. Kinks can be fun, but also frightening to approach, especially the first time. It takes a lot of trust and faith to have sex with someone.
My theory: the relationship deepening results of sex are caused in large part by the sharing of deep vulnerability with your partner.
Solving my asexual+pan-romantic conundrum [5/5]
I think that might be the source of the aching emptiness I feel inside as an asexual romantic. I see others having sex and deepening their relationships, and feel like I can never truly have that experience for myself... but that's not true.
I just need to re-learn how to share a similar feeling of vulnerability with my partners. <3
