diet dr. nasty @pinkplasticwineglass@awoo.space

the hunch https://awoo.space/media/xRiNFme_VCL8R-z39vo

i keep thinking i should "grow up" and not be upset about this anymore. but honestly i dont think teens or children are able to emotionally process this. i am growing into an adult now and that means i actually have the tools to deal with this instead of the haphazard & often violent ways i coepd & avoided as a child

i try to remain or at least appear calm & aloof as a way of maintaining a semblance of control, but i think that is counterproductive in the long run. i can be very scared (i am) and that is ok to feel and express

also the strong reaction i had in general. just makes me feel bad. there were a lot of things i did as a child that make me think i was used to being sexually touched by adults, by ~10 i had learned to be fearful instead of accepting. i think it stopped a few years before that

i have a strong memory of inappropriate touching from my mother and her being very frustrated with my fear. whenever i think back on this i feel like the context excuses it, but not really. its a very bad memory that causes me a lot of distress

i feel like if i talk about csa i need to prove to my friends that it actually happened. i dont and its not fair to me. it doesnt matter if i cant remember any of it well.. im still hurting really really badly and i feel alone and scared. even if i cant remember im still hurting. because my friends care about me they will want to support me and they dont need me to prove that im a real survivor

(cont of previous post, no warnings needed) i know that like. while people look at me and don't know what i've been through. they still can read an "oddness" on me in the way that my ptsd manifests. most people won't know that it's ptsd and generally just think judgmental things about me because ableism

its like the most horrifying thing in the world to say like. hey. i was sexually abused a lot as a tween & teen and extremely likely as a young child. i feel like a degenerate for being alive after that and that it is a shameful secret i need to hide & conceal

@dragon im gonna braid his hair

@dragon i think its mostly intended as a "joke" but i still like him.

@dragon MSMDS I DIDNT REALIZE THAT ANYONE ELSE READ IT LIKE THIS

@dragon yeah. i died and went to hell. god. just really good

@dragon i really like how proud of them he is when they beat him during the exam

@dragon hes just. the. he likes his students. im fucked up over this

aizawa. sweatshirt that says "I HAVE DEPRESSION"

@asmalldragon@mastodon.social https://awoo.space/media/N0CjiK3wxYAPunpPCwc

@asmalldragon@mastodon.social she's really really really good

hes not allowed to pick him up after that

uhh yagi is big and he picks up sleeping bag aizawa. but then he deflates and drops him. oops.

@asmalldragon@mastodon.social yeah. yeah. same.