diet dr. nasty @pinkplasticwineglass@awoo.space

i know i will probably be very poor if i do not complete school but like... would much rather do that than continue to rely on my family and be involved in some sort of academic institution

uhhh "school" has been a soul-sucking presence in my life since day 1. i was literally homeschooled my entire life so i dont really know what to do with that. i dont really want to be doing it anymore

@dragon it means a lot to me that you would say that, thank you.. no one has ever really said that to me and i doubt myself on whether i am being unreasonable or not.

when i think about... continuing to be in school. and letting them wipe my ass for me over everything. it feels like i'm submitting to just more of the same things that have made me into the person i am (a charming and good natured but fundamentally damaged & traumatized person)

i log onto the social media. i complain about my crumbling relationship with my parents

i.... have ptsd and i am desperate to not be hurt again. so i am quietly enduring this in order to avoid making myself vulnerable and likely being spit on

im just really torn up because we had a convo just now and my mom acts like its SO MYSTERIOUS as to why i think that i'm stupid/incompetent, feel disempowered and will not confide in them

also have very viciously have responded to me expressing distress in the past, or punished me for things i confided to them. not great at building trust

@dragon whenever they tell me i am wrong i usually drop it because there's no arguing with them + i am still learning to stand up for myself but i really need to strongarm them into setting up a doc appointment lol. i literally just want to up my dose for now its not that hard..

like they say with their mouths that. i should tell them things. but when i DO they just argue with me about how whatever i say is wrong

i do actively withhold Everything from them & not communicate with them but they also do nothing to encourage it whatsoever

@dragon hey thats cute & applicable.... thank u for sharing

maybe i don't..... want to wrestle myself constantly??? strange and novel idea????? oh but i just do not apply myself enough.my bad.

im miserable honestly lol. every time i say i want medical help with a brain problem my mom basically tells me i'm not trying hard enough to work around it myself

god whatever. it's not like i want to be in an ok mood, ever, at all

@dragon hey what is it

i think my life would be better if i was more forthcoming with my parents but they have pissed over any & all trust i extended to them when i was younger so. we don't do that anymore in this house

its not like i wanted to feel fine or anything

new flash everyone I FEEL REALLY FUCKING BAD>.......................

im scrumbled