diet dr. nasty @pinkplasticwineglass@awoo.space

@dragon look how fucking tired he looks im going to cry

i dont want to be at work 1:30 to 10:00 tomorrow

i'm logged in. i'm online

when i say words its parts of myself leaving me, and when other people hear those words they are taking those parts of me away from me and they aren't good enough for those parts.

i am strange and my strangeness is observed & quartered for consumption when others see me, and they conceptualize that i am strange and that takes something away from me. they do not want to understand me they just want to drain me so i am safest being alone so that i cannot be weakened by eyes

i feel like when i am seen or observed by other people that it takes something away from me. that them observing me compromises my integrity, changing or taking something from me

i dunno, piss on me, or don't. whatever.

(extremely bored voice) you have to water me. you have to use your pee.

god im such a disappointing person. in general.

i overreact when they complain to me because its just like "UGH YOU'RE BEING A DISAPPOINTMENT TO ME AGAIN" both from me to them + them to me. and also i'm scared of them

nice to know that us feeling incredibly disappointed in each other is mutual

i'm mad but like at myself for being like this

my friends don't live around here and there's nowhere to be. i don't like going outside because it's a negative sensory experience. what am i supposed to be doing

my mom thinks i spend too much time on the internet based on like a timechart she drew up and like. i do but also what else am i suppsoed to do lol

i think it's easy to just see the ways in which i am inadequate because i never express anything. it seems like i am just being kind of lackluster due to an overall apathy. i mean i have apathy because im depressed.

i feel like no one understands that my brain and thoughts feel entirely untethered and like i cannot possibly grab & hold onto them all at once. like i have many important things but they're floating away and they slip through when i try to grab them so i am constantly losing things

feel very https://awoo.space/media/PA2Qhv16Ihnpo7CiKPg

last night 1 mom brought her complaints to me and tonight the other has brought her list of complaints to me. nothing is necessarily unreasonable but i feel dejected

my ass just exploded so i assume thats what my mysterious cramps were about last night lol

having precocious knowledge of sexuality and assuming other people around me also did when they didnt -> feeling like a deviant at age 10