Lilac ⚧ ⚢ @slowbird@awoo.space

@MokiAwa i fart so much that i'm rewriting that spice girls song, the first line goes "if you wanna be my lover, ya gotta tolerate my farts"

even when they're on the same set together, you can't convince me that phil simms and boomer esiason aren't the same person

million dollar idea: beer-drinking hat, but with soup in it. soup hat

@netkitty floofy loaf blob! :D

so uhhhhhhhhhh anyone know of a super cheap security camera i can set up in 5 minutes and keep an eye on weirdos with flatbed trucks that might be planning to steal my car at night

if anyone asks i'm going to answer, "not yet but yes i do plan to get the Surge-ry" and hold up a can of Surge and then tape it to my hand

or something. i'm still workshopping this joke

swiggity swooty, i respect your personal space and your right to control who gets near that booty

@BigBeanSerena@chitter.xyz that's not true at all <3

@netkitty omgz you caught it! good job :3 *pets the kitten*

@netkitty play! :D *bats mouse around*

what does it say about me that i've reached the point where i'm thinking about buying a 4th car and then just keeping it a secret from my family who thinks i need to stop buying cars

i can't decide what i want more. an svt mercury mystique, or a 1st-gen ford probe v6 with a junkyard turbo setup

yeah that's right i brought my car shitposts over here since i'm not on twitter as much

i wish there was an SVT version of the mercury mystique

it wouldn't be hard to make one, just swap some parts from a ford contour. i should do it someday