滝 @taki@awoo.space

What's the point of a vest? Are there people out there like, "My arms are plenty toasty but my body is so cold."? Is this a thing people actually experience?

I've started to skip days on dilation and it's making it hard to maintain my Duolingo streak.

Plushes understand that falling off the bed just happens sometimes, but it's still important to hug them when you retrieve them.

Well this is annoying. To the tire's credit, I ran over a brick at 70 mph so it could have been a lot worse.

My go-to euphemism for bottom surgery has been "remodeling my basement" but I might switch to "playing Slay the Spire".

@fluxom_alt Say, what color is 82's hair? Like, platinum blonde or something with more yellow in it?

So how long does it take after bottom surgery before you're cleared to use the new bits on someone? Things are getting more real with my timing and I want to speculate at which con I'll be able to pin down and climb atop a cutie. :3c

@fluxom_alt Every time I read more x82 it makes me want to cosplay as an Adder drone. >_>

It's hard to explain what's been bothering me lately. I've known I was aromantic for a while, and thought I was okay with it. It's just annoying when people don't understand, or I have to be careful not to give someone the impression I can do more than I'm actually capable of. That last bit is even harder when I often have trouble reading people or understanding what their motivations are.

But recently I've wondered if it's "worse" than that. Other people seem to form close relationships faster than I can. They describe friendships and other relationships in ways that are unfamiliar to me. It makes me wonder if I've ever actually been close to someone in the way that other people feel, and I can't say for sure that I have.

This is...upsetting. Am I more broken than I thought? Am I missing a wide range of human experiences? Are the people who care about me throwing their affection into a black hole that can never properly reciprocate?

I've thought about this for a few weeks and I don't have good answers. I don't even know why I'm like this. It could be trans stuff making me uncomfortable with myself for so long, or RSD from ADHD making me terrified to get close to people, or something else. And maybe this is only bothering me now because of 4 months of isolation. I don't even know what a resolution would be. Is this something fixable?

I don't expect anyone to read all this really, or understand where I'm coming from. Just needed to get it down somewhere, I guess. And I don't want my friends to think this means I don't care about them. I do, a lot, just in a weird, broken way that's hard to describe.

Ever have something you thought you had made peace with but it ends up being worse/harder than you thought and you are in fact not okay?

(Most of you are trans so I know the answer is "yes" but still)

Computer: It's time for pills!
Me: Okay! <gets up, changes into pajamas, sits back down>
Computer: Still pill time.
Me: Dammit!