wolfe but sad @wolfgang@awoo.space

it is 1:30 am and i am Not Tired. it's moments like these when i start to miss smoking weed. i could just, fall asleep at any moment of the day when i was high

that moment of dread when you realize you didn't properly wait out the full half hour after taking your evening pills

*insert keysmash here, because i'm on mobile and predictive typing will just try to make it into words if i do it*

extreme lie down and rot vibes today

"It wasn't a physical sensation, rather a sort of desperation, as though every action he took was a struggle against an enormous pressure to lie down on the floor."

i need a vacation from being me

but maybe being sick is also affecting it? idk anymore life is pain and suffering and i want out

back when i smoked weed: no trouble going to sleep, very difficult waking up

1-2 weeks off of weed: some trouble going to sleep, extremely easy waking up

1 month off of weed: very difficult going to sleep, very difficult waking up

i don't like where this is going

i should probably stop hating on myself on the internet and instead go brush my teeth and do some physiotherapy before bed

"hi insurance company. i need to extend my disability benefits again. this time the reason is: i'm not only disabled but also dumb" think it'll work? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

how will i ever be able to work again. i'm supposed to be a programmer or something. to basically think about complex problems for a living. and now i've basically been reduced to a horny wolfdog with a wet sponge for a brain

the only thing i was any good at which was always thinking and figuring stuff out has been completely ruined by seven years of (medical) weed

whatever

a distant mostly-internet friend said i need to stop thinking of those things as "things [that person] did to me" and instead think of them as "toxic things to do"; but that's easier said than done

i need to learn how to give up on getting that closure. i need to get on with my gosh dang life already. but how can i do that when every bad thing in the world reminds me of all the shit you've given me?

i wish i could say i got over you; but instead i'm still angry and somehow, after more than a year, i'm still seeking closure that'll never come

oh god i even play piano like i'm sick. hands struggling to catch up with each other, keep missing the keys, keep missing the beat ugh ​

don't wanna speak too soon but i think the worst of this cold is behind me

so now i can move on to hoping i didn't also catch covid in an unrelated incident 🙃

@else sounds safe

new day; still sick; trying my best to stay afloat; awooing and coughing