so could someone explain to me why neurotypical people seem to get so upset when you try to explain your reasoning for doing a wrong thing as part of an apology?

we feel pretty much obligated to because someone accepting an apology without understanding our thought process that led to making the mistake feels meaningless, but people *very* often seem to get upset when we try to explain our thoughts

@Felthry From what I understand its that people seem to imagine apologising as some act of one-sided repentance rather than a dialogue. Doing otherwise is I guess seen in bad faith.

It doesn't really sit right with us either TBH, because in situations where you feel both parties have done wrong the 'ideal' approach still seems to be "only bring up what you did wrong", which doesn't actually guarantee things get resolved. :/