Snouts, personal subtoot
I know narcissism when I see it, and I can tell you, it's a waste of time and emotional labour to empathize with her. I've been through this song and dance with countless other narcissists, and I can tell you, they never get better.
Any benefit of the doubt you give to these people will just be seen and used as an excuse to gaslight. It's best to just cut ties and move on. Agonizing about the mask a narcissist once wore will only serve to further traumatize you. Please be kind to yourself, and be there for the other snouts members present and former.