Like if having children would not make you happy, please don't? I know there's a lot of bullshit pressure including outright lies around having children, though, so I have a lot of sympathy for the people who were coerced into being parents when they did not want it or were sweet-talked and tricked into making a choice that is bad for them.

You don't get to take it out on your kid, though. They were put in a bad situation, just like you. They did not put you in this situation, and it is your responsibility to find whatever help and support you can that does not involve guilting your child and making them take emotional care of you. By telling the child it is their fault you are punching down at the most vulnerable person available, which is a despicable thing to do.

But perhaps the most visible and socially acceptable case of martyr parents are the parents of disabled and neurodivergent children. I don't deny that this can be a really hard situation, but I must again emphasize that it's not the child's fault. It's societal ableism and the lack of adequate support that can make things extremely hard for disabled and neurodivergent children and their families. There is no call to join in the shitty social chorus that says your child is worthless and has ruined your life. Don't take the side of the very forces that make your and your child's lives harder. Act like the goddamned adult they need you to be, and get whatever help and support you need to get to that point and find your joy, in your child and in your own aspirations and passions.