Rumination over Redemption Gatekeeping
Given how we were preyed on and persecuted by moral narcissists as we we were clawing our way out of Altfurry spaces 3 years ago, and how traumatic that experience was.
I get some vindictive satisfaction from seeing them crumple and back off as soon as the question of endgame is put on the table.
Rumination over Redemption Gatekeeping
"Once a shitty person, always a shitty person." Or "Lol you traded one extreme for another!" Are lines we often got hit with back then.
How ironic then that my persecutor got themself """cancelled""" for pluralmisia, and the rest of them were caught being a part of the Furry Raiders.
Rumination over Redemption Gatekeeping
Honesty gets thrown out the window when you put someone in a no win situation, and this kind of uncertainty is very similar to the kind of tactics a narcissistic parent would use on a child.
Rumination over Redemption Gatekeeping
Just to hammer this home, I have experience with this as the forgiver.
A while back, I have a friend who I had been trying to convince to leave the Raiders. She initially wouldn't, so after many years, I cut off contact with her. Her response was to stalk me, and commiserate with Altfurs who were trying to get me killed by potentially snitching to the CCP that I am trans. (They're not a smart bunch.)
Anyways, after that I declared her a lost cause...
Rumination over Redemption Gatekeeping
...and weeks passed. Then she approached me asking for forgiveness, she had pulled her head out her ass and left those toxic groups, but I can't quite trust her yet.
So, I told her that it will take a while before I could forgive her, that she needs to give me some space, and work on herself to detox from those spaces.
Amazingly, she did just that, and slowly I was able to forgive her, and also help her reintegrate into groups that had kicked her out.
Rumination over Redemption Gatekeeping
This is how you do redemption. Give a timeline to suss out their intent, give conditions for redemption, and follow through once conditions are met.
But then again, I never liked punishment as justice, I just want people to better themselves and for victims to be made whole again.
Rumination over Redemption Gatekeeping
I admit, it is hard to talk about this, because people too easily assume that because I refused to persecute someone for making an honest mistake, I was defending the erroneous action.
Quite the opposite, it is very important to outline the path to redemption, and its conditions. This is because keeping the guilty party perpetually so out of enforced uncertainty, will only teach them that doubling down and denial gives the best outcome.