So I had a couple people ask me about things to be prepared for when starting estrogen (and androgen suppressants) so I'm gonna do a short advice thread on that today as I have time

(obviously this is all based on my experiences and anecdotal things. Other people on E and associated drugs feel free to chime in. I'm not Queen of the Transfeminine)

So the main concern brought up was about being unstable and emotional.

This is tough for a few reasons: partly bc it's very variable by person; also partly bc I don't want to ever play into "estrogen makes people moody! Hysterical women!!" misogyny.

Again, my experience:
I have more emotions. All of them. Good and bad.

This is for a bunch of reasons. Some I'm sure are physical/hormonal. But let me also say that being on HRT and having my dysphoria go down has made me feel present in my body and my life in a way I never have before. It's like putting on glasses for the first time and crying because you can see TREES HAVE LEAVES and you never saw it before. So I can't say "this is from estrogen" and "this is from dysphoria" bc I don't know what emotional effects are from what.

Yes. I am more emotional. It feels like I've spent my life with my emotions being capped at 70% and they can reach 100% for the first time and it can be overwhelming. I cry from happiness a bunch now. Crying is easier. At times it feels like going through my first puberty in that sense of a rush of emotions that feels like you've never felt this emotion this intensely before. Its tiring sometimes and also exhilarating.

I'm not unstable. I'm not suddenly some sort of emotionally hyperfluid, impossible to predict force of nature that everyone has to hide from. Honestly I'm mostly happier: sadness and anger can feel intense too but.... I lived with depression for years. They're often not so new. What's new is never feeling joy that feels this *light* before. So effortless.

I understand myself and my body and emotions more. I'm better at being able to pick apart the emotions in me. ("Wait, I feel really angry. But now that I sit and think about it, it's actually mostly that I'm hurt this one thing happened and scared that this other thing will happen.")

I have had people I love and trust tell me that my feelings sometimes get hurt more easily. This may be true. I also think that I used to swallow my hurt feelings more instead of standing up for them. So I'm not sure how much is "new emotions" and how much is "valuing myself enough to say something." but partners may want to be aware that your boundaries and feelings on what's ok and what's not may seem to be changing from the outside (whether or not it's a change inside)

The main emotional change is that I feel stronger. I had no idea how much of my emotional and mental space was devoted to numbness and dysphoria. As that has alleviated and as I have made this promise to myself to be living my life for ME and not others, I have been astonished at the deep well of resilience I've found within myself. I barely recognize the person I was and their difficulty standing up for themself. I'm strong and firm. I set boundaries. I do hard things.

This has definitely meant people adapting. I used to be okay with being interrupted, for example. It hurt but I figured what I had to say was less important. Now i call people on interrupting me regularly because I have shit to say and as woman-perceived person I face a bunch more of it. I don't deny that for long term partners and such this is a shift and not always an easy one.

But again. This isn't me flipping out because I'm an estrogen tornado who is a frantic pile of uncontrolled feelings. Its because I'm finally present in my life and think my time and the things I have to say matter.

Hopefully that addresses the concerns about emotions? Basically: i finally live in my body. The world is more intense as a result. Even food seems to taste better because I live so much more in the moment now. I definitely cry more easily: I've started crying because I saw a new pokemon that was really cute once. But crying feels... Freeing. Its nice. I like it. And it's not monstrous or scary.

I think for me the worst emotional issues I've had were several days of intense moodiness when I started progesterone, and sometimes on Tuesdays (i do my shots on Wednesdays so Tuesday is the lowest estrogen day) it is easier for me to get anxious or depressed. But overall it's me just... With the volume turned up to a reasonable level for once.

So, other stuff.

If you're put on Spironolactone as your androgen suppressant: drink water. I'm not fucking around. Dehydration and headaches were common for me when I switched to 200 mg Spiro until I got good at carrying a large Nalgene bottle around the house for myself. I drink like 3-4 litres of water a day. And yeah I pee often (like every 2 hours ish on average during the day?) but it's better than the dehydration