mh - journaling
Reading Pema Chodron talking about being in the present with one's discomfort resonated with my experience of self-hate as a distraction (with other benefits, like being inwardly directed anger that therefore couldn't be spotted and punished).That got me to; distraction from discomfort can be a valid coping mechanism, so the nigh continuous discomfort of the first part of my life meant distracting myself made it possible to cope with whatever bullshit happened next, *and* that I literally had no energy to discover other distractions or coping mechanisms.