I was really hoping to have more life, and more *of* my life, about stuff *I* was interested in rather than existing for the convenience of very well off important people.

how do you overcome the feeling that you chose the wrong major in college, and have been punished for doing so for the rest of your natural life? Asking for a friend.

so in The Muppet Alien, is Ellen Ripley the only character portrayed by an actor, or is the alien?

from last night which I tweaked a little bit, and from tonight.

cranking Garmarna's version of "Vanner och Frander," pounding my cup in time against the table and bellowing "KLADKAKKA! GE MIG MER KLADKAKKA!" as coffee sloshes everywhere

It's wild how Astartes might fall to Chaos after the Heresy. I mean, they really haven't known any other life and in what little spare time they have they Astartes to unwind. I'm now imagining some clean cut recently-Imperial-Fist or something standing bolt upright in his new brass and pink armor yelling I'M HERE FOR SEX DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL a moment before he turns to the weird warped thing to his left and politely asking "how DOES one sex, drugs and rock and roll anyway?"

oh NO following a lead from weirdly the dance station I've been listening to Gruntruck and Alice in Chains' "Them Bones" and now I have the urge to drive to the Federal Way Fred Meyer in the rain to get American Spirits and new furniture at midnight or something

UPDATE: and now it's time to play Nirvana's BEST album

the Visual Migraine Sufferer Pride Flag

nothing wrong with me that [laundry list of greater personal time, interpersonal connections, physical comforts, travel, therapy, all set against the background of much less upsetting current events] wouldn't fix.

damnit my kinky fantasies have become comfort fantasies have become for-a-change-not-stressed-to-the-gills fantasies.

Stuff coyote wastes too much time on; fart jokes.

Emailed my senators which is about the most useless thing I can possibly do about current events other than fucking nothing.

claiming species euphoria for singing along with the OOOOWEEEAAAOOOWAAAOOOWAAAEEEWHOOOO part of The Four Season's "Walk Like a Man."

next up, Good Vibrations. OOOWAAAOOOOOOWHOO.

uspol in passing to larger mh stuff 

In general I've been realizing that if I feel that profoundly negative almost assuredly there's something that reminds me of childhood.

I've been so pissed off at this Administration, I've felt really out of control, so completely caught up in anger. And sure enough, how they're sort of the same conservative Christians that dominated childhood, the idea that the authority and the good kids should be able to do anything and will be right and there's literally nothing you can do, that's childhood.

But then much earlier I'd realized that self-hate was trying to push down being angry into myself where nobody else could see it and punish me for it, and then this spiral of believing I'm a horrible person. So that white-hot anger, that's something I was feeling on a regular basis, directing inwards on a regular basis, for YEARS, for a fucking decade or more.

I'm uh. Amazed I'm still moving.

FREE RANGE CHICKENS! Th' story of the wahld and lawless days of th' great chicken drahves across the rollin' praries

* manly cowboy imagery intensifies *

Cartoon meme, in this case about the 1986 motion picture “Labyrinth.”

holy shit this is good. I may never go back to regular mashed potatoes.

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