I now feel like the big trick with gender is that everyone gets told they have to pass, it's actually a lot less, and very few people do.

We have entire industries devoted to selling fragrances, vehicles, grills, guns, alcohol, hygiene products, shavers, etc so CIS people can "pass" enough. These things were not pitched for trans folks! If I'm not *too* unusual everyone out there worries if they're doing it right, including about gender.

Which suggests like everything else ("doing it right" is very much on my mind lately because I'm about to have a birthday and I am OLD, I'm at the point where I could easily fuck myself over but good about having done my entire life wrong), the way both cis and trans people approach gender is;

* they worry about fucking it up and being socially censured as a result
* they arrive at some quiet confidence that even though how they're doing it isn't necessarily the textbook example, it works for them; this is familiar to me from art
* they're just naturally egomaniacs, have sailed in on a shrimp sandwich or something like that, and consequently have always been sure they're doing it right