A batch of different things (job hunt, losing a temp job with no warning with no explanation, rent increase/sudden officially justified additions to rent, the square-buildings-cars-dog-ownership-for-GOOD people, AI, Trump and Desantis, everything with Twitter) are all stressy but actually largely independent (beyond our society is so committed to greed and elitism that the world is dying and there's no real social safety net).

Stress means I don't have spoons to think about terrible things as independent and may grab onto a simplified explanation. Part of why I was so self-hating for so long was "the reason things are going this bad are THAT I'M INEPT, UGLY, STUPID, AND UNLOVABLE" was a simplified explanation that offered the hope that somehow if I could just be good instead, rather than face the existential terror that this was almost completely random and unaffected.

The simplified explanation I find myself thinking here is "I'm supposed to exist for others' convenience above all else, I have no business really getting to do anything else and my access to such will be cut off," which is a very childhood set of messages.

Another offshoot of Twitter falling apart is moving to Bluesky, where nothing I ever seem to post gets me any of the wild popularity other people seem to have there, and that's hitting other stuff from childhood, that's a repeat of feelings from when grade school ended and dumped me into high school but nothing I did seemed to make me more well liked, because I didn't know others starting out.