Then it hit me; a system so completely hostile is not a useful place to go for self esteem!

It really isn't, even without the parts where someone's trying to tear you down to make you convenient to them! (And following my observations, this is probably relatively infrequently; all you need is similar circumstances and a few cases where it was intentional, and it all looks intentional. It was definitely semi-intentional in childhood, between my parents being so SURE they needed a little math-reading genius that they discounted where I was potentially very skilled, and my schools wanting you to shut up and sit down because the important part was the football players.)

I could be a completely inept, ugly, charmless moron, or I could be a bright, talented, lovable person and even relatively okay looking, or ANYTHING IN BETWEEN, and it wouldn't matter, because a system that's already reduced you to a simple disposable asset can't really speak to the many ways in which you're anything else!