A bit over 12 hours ago, I was hanging out with a friend who makes me look as stupid as my Dad used to say I was, and who correspondingly had a lot of utterly brilliant tech sector employee money, and not once did I feel so completely inferior and worthless as I do today while applying for jobs.
｜霜の狼｜人面獣心」
@Leucrotta 
*offers hugs, if you'd like*
getting into tech sector employee money isn't about smarts I think
it's about being able to navigate all the interviews and resume crap and stuff
and like, of course you'd need the skills too, but that's what they are, skills – it's like how electricians learned how to do electriciany stuff, or whatever.
@Leucrotta but like, he's not Better Than You just 'cause he's got a hyped-up skillset and is being treated well by the industry, I think. Just in a luckier position.
... which of course contradicts everything you picked up about how the people in safer environments are Intrinsically Better, huh... >,,<
@frost any job is going to be a mix of intelligence, experience and just random bullshit. I think tech sector jobs are (like say law, medicine or accounting) a place where you can actually make big bucks *related* to intelligence, which is part of why I internalized them as proof that I didn’t fit in, was a total moron, etc.
@frost The subjectivity of all of this suggests I CAN’T tack my self worth to this cruel process, doing so is by definition a set up for feeling terrible.
@frost The big thing I’m thinking about here is how my perception is very contextualized. My friend is smarter and more successful, but she makes me feel valued, accepted as I am, and safe. But feeling unsafe, feeling evaluated (and judged not good enough) by total strangers who mean nothing to me beyond an authority to placate, makes me feel like a profoundly stupid failure.