mh -
why am I even awake right now?
as I get older I realize that one of my big difficulties is something uncomfortable happens - I'm stuck in traffic or at work (no longer stuck in school or at my parents' place as often), sleep's broken, bits and pieces of the greater world are terrible - and it sets me up to notice negatives. And before I turned 18 and got free, I never had to wait long before something bad slammed in while I was off balance. Consequently a lot of why I feel bad is trained observation bias; it took years getting to where this is obvious, but I'm not quite at "can step past it" yet.