@GoodNewsGreyShoes This is NOT going to sound good.

It's not all altruism - I haven't cut contact because at some point I might need money, my Dad has financially helped me in the past, and I don't see any other avenue to getting a house other than inheriting theirs.

They're definitely where I got the bad habit of self-isolating. Like, my Dad has friends from his old workplace, but pretty much everyone they know are people they went outside to see - they don't have anyone else over as far as I know. I think a lot of my parents snapping at each other is stuff people outside my family don't get to see.

I really wish my Mom's health would turn better but that seems unlikely, and I have no idea how we're going to keep doing this.

@Leucrotta Don't have time for a long reply rn (will later today) but just wanted to say that it is totally okay, normal, & understandable that part of the reason you're investing so much time & energy into your parents is because you value the support they could provide to you if (when?) you need it.👌

The fact that you may benefit from your kindness doesn't make it unkind.❤️

@Leucrotta Big yikes on the "parents don't have anyone else" - it's quite a lot for them to expect that you'll stand in for the peer/friend relationships they DON'T have (or can't access due to mobility limitations).🫠

I can't imagine it'd be easy to support yourself or ask for their support in that context, either - sounds a lot like a one-way 'exchange' of care that doesn't bode well for the long term.😮‍💨

I hope your Mom's health improves, too.🫂♥️

@GoodNewsGreyShoes My parents' relationship to other people and to each other isn't necessarily that healthy. I don't have particularly good role models in that respect, I worry I tend to fall into some of the same problems.

Anyway, money with my folks is weird. I try to be very careful asking them for help, after a very bad incident now about 16 years in the past. It also doesn't help that I'm not sure how much I'm actually helping if any.

@Leucrotta One of the greatest gifts our parents give, whether they realize it or not, is an up-close preview of the behavioral tendencies we may have inherited & their effect on those we love.

Bad news is we don't get to choose which destructive tendencies we may have to continually challenge for the rest of our lives.

Good news is that simply recognizing & acknowledging those hazards allows us to avoid, address, or prepare for them.

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@Leucrotta (Anecdotal opinion: becoming 'like [our] parents' isn't INEVITABLE but it IS the 'default', i.e. what we may become unless we actively choose otherwise.

I find I'm most likely to act 'like my parents' when I'm tired & impatient, as if those behaviors are a 'low-cost reflex/alternative' to thoughtful action.

Like a crude set of tools we learned on, but can choose to leave behind)

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@Leucrotta It's super scary to feel someone else's influence on our actions, their words in our mouths.😖 What parts worry you most?

Re. money: yeah that's 100% understandable, especially considering how uncomfortable that 'incident' must've been to leave an impact lasting ONE & A HALF DECADES.👀

People get weirdly vicious around money, doubly so around any unexpected loss.😮‍💨

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@Leucrotta Considering your parents' situation it sounds like you're helping a LOT, even if they may not see it that way (do they?🤔). You don't need to be a trained MH professional to help in meaningful ways, & I bet they'd be far worse off without you.♥️🫂

(P.s.: have I ever mentioned how much I hate the 500 char limit on posts/replies? Because I really do hate it!🤗🧨 It's so arbitrary & dumb, & actively DISCOURAGES nuanced discourse! 🫠🔨😤)

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