mh journaling
now realizing;
* if I'm this mad, it's something that reminds me of childhood
* part of why I've had such terrible problems with self hate is directing anger inwards so I can't get into trouble for expressing it
* being angry/stuffing anger makes me more susceptible to the next irritation until I can be a lot less frequently dinged
so I was directing this much fucking incandescent rage inwards, for literally years on end. How do I still have a functioning GI tract?